Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I can whistle while inhaling and exhaling, with very little tone change. I can also hold pitch better while whistling than singing. :-)
midterms
Argh, tomorrow is my classical mechanics mid term. Thankfully I have until 7 pm to study. However, I've worked out so many of my confusions I'm starting to feel better about this grad school thing and this class. But I'm still working out things I should have known before I got here. Oh well. At least some of this math stuff is finally sinking in. So tomorrow, I'm just going to keep practicing, and we'll see what sticks tomorrow evening :-)
Wish me luck!
Wish me luck!
Monday, October 24, 2005
A quick correction or 2
I listened to the last 5 minutes of my reading, and am now going to correct a few misunderstandings.
1. My spirit guide's name is Chukma, stress on the first syllable, and he has deep blue eyes more specifically. Hi Chukma *waves* :-)
2. I think the blue uniform she is talking about that she thinks is american is a dress uniform, and probably the dress blues, but I'll do more research. Also, she never said Germans killed Carrie, but that the enemy did. However, it was in Germany. Again, more research (or getting in touch with the universe to learn this myself lol) is needed.
This is why it's handy to have tapes, because we can mishear a lot. :-)
1. My spirit guide's name is Chukma, stress on the first syllable, and he has deep blue eyes more specifically. Hi Chukma *waves* :-)
2. I think the blue uniform she is talking about that she thinks is american is a dress uniform, and probably the dress blues, but I'll do more research. Also, she never said Germans killed Carrie, but that the enemy did. However, it was in Germany. Again, more research (or getting in touch with the universe to learn this myself lol) is needed.
This is why it's handy to have tapes, because we can mishear a lot. :-)
last night's experiment
Last night, before I went to bed I focused on just being...well, after letting my mind rant a lot. Once I felt more focused I asked my spirit guide if he would send me a message that is important for me to receive right now. Then I rolled over to go to sleep.
As I was waiting to drift off completely I started hearing voices again. These aren't "kill your cat" kind of voices, more like if you were tuning in a radio and just getting bits and pieces of conversation. Last night it sounded like a child I think, including some little kid singing. The funny thing is, when this happens I'm not absorbing or comprehending anything that's being said. The words are english, but it's like they mean nothing to me, just random words, like my brain is turned off. But, if I try to turn my brain on to comprehend, then the radio shuts off and I lose it. plus, I can't really remember what was said because the brain wasn't on! However, last night I was able to get it back after switching my brain on. I actually thought of it as a radio for a second, and have no idea how I did it, but I tuned it back in. But again, no idea what was said. I'm thinking this is how automatic writing happens, and if I could do this while awake I could just write without thinking and then be able to recall it. In time I think it will come because the station is staying around longer each time. It used to be just one or two words, and now it's whole moments, phrases.
I think this happens when I'm going to sleep because that's when my consciousness is shutting down, thus all the need for logic goes out the window. It will take some work to reach this state while awake, but I don't see why it isn't possible. Hooray for new skill! :-)
As for the dreams I asked for, I don't remember details. The only part I remember is being in the apartment, and I'm heading to bed. Carrie is going to the computer to check news. It feels like we're waiting for a prophecy to come to pass, because I say that if anything happens to wake me up because I want to be around for the last moments before the shit hits the fan. Not exact words, but the idea of it.
It's interesting to me that I had this experience while hurrican Wilma, which was predicted last month to occur now, was barreling towards Florida. So when I sort of woke up, I tried to remember what had happened. In my haziness I saw this pattern before me, like watching lava flow up close. Now, I am not sure if this is a pure vision or not, because I was beginning to get my consciousness about me, and I know there was a prediction for a volcanic event that should have happend a week ago and didn't. So that could have been a corrupted vision. But, I also can't describe what I saw, and I had to interpret it as lava. Had I put that thought in my head with just my consciousness, I wouldn't have seen that, but instead a more zoomed out picture. So I'm really not sure what to make of it.
I wonder if I saw more, but am blocking it, like I have in the past. I slept very poorly, waking up many times halfway. Perhaps I saw something that I'm still unable to accept, like the night the wierd light was in our house and I freaked out. I don't really know what to do about that little issue either. How do you control what you block?! I mean, you don't even know what you're trying to unblock, because it's unknowable to you! lol Maybe I'll figure that one out someday. But for now, I think it's time to review some differential equations and go to bed.
As I was waiting to drift off completely I started hearing voices again. These aren't "kill your cat" kind of voices, more like if you were tuning in a radio and just getting bits and pieces of conversation. Last night it sounded like a child I think, including some little kid singing. The funny thing is, when this happens I'm not absorbing or comprehending anything that's being said. The words are english, but it's like they mean nothing to me, just random words, like my brain is turned off. But, if I try to turn my brain on to comprehend, then the radio shuts off and I lose it. plus, I can't really remember what was said because the brain wasn't on! However, last night I was able to get it back after switching my brain on. I actually thought of it as a radio for a second, and have no idea how I did it, but I tuned it back in. But again, no idea what was said. I'm thinking this is how automatic writing happens, and if I could do this while awake I could just write without thinking and then be able to recall it. In time I think it will come because the station is staying around longer each time. It used to be just one or two words, and now it's whole moments, phrases.
I think this happens when I'm going to sleep because that's when my consciousness is shutting down, thus all the need for logic goes out the window. It will take some work to reach this state while awake, but I don't see why it isn't possible. Hooray for new skill! :-)
As for the dreams I asked for, I don't remember details. The only part I remember is being in the apartment, and I'm heading to bed. Carrie is going to the computer to check news. It feels like we're waiting for a prophecy to come to pass, because I say that if anything happens to wake me up because I want to be around for the last moments before the shit hits the fan. Not exact words, but the idea of it.
It's interesting to me that I had this experience while hurrican Wilma, which was predicted last month to occur now, was barreling towards Florida. So when I sort of woke up, I tried to remember what had happened. In my haziness I saw this pattern before me, like watching lava flow up close. Now, I am not sure if this is a pure vision or not, because I was beginning to get my consciousness about me, and I know there was a prediction for a volcanic event that should have happend a week ago and didn't. So that could have been a corrupted vision. But, I also can't describe what I saw, and I had to interpret it as lava. Had I put that thought in my head with just my consciousness, I wouldn't have seen that, but instead a more zoomed out picture. So I'm really not sure what to make of it.
I wonder if I saw more, but am blocking it, like I have in the past. I slept very poorly, waking up many times halfway. Perhaps I saw something that I'm still unable to accept, like the night the wierd light was in our house and I freaked out. I don't really know what to do about that little issue either. How do you control what you block?! I mean, you don't even know what you're trying to unblock, because it's unknowable to you! lol Maybe I'll figure that one out someday. But for now, I think it's time to review some differential equations and go to bed.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
ugh
Lactose intolerance! I read up on it the other day finally. Apparently it tends to develope as we age. It also appears that if your stomach is in an uproar for an unknown reason, it also gets worse, even if you take lactaid! For instance, 2 nights ago, just a small code from dairy queen, even with a lactaid pill gave me gas and cramps. Just now, had a small bowl of cereal, so maybe a cup of milk, with lactaid, and again gas and cramps. Granted, it's not as bad as the night in northern Minnesota after a blizzard from DQ up in canada. I was miserable! Does this mean I'll never be eating ice cream and milk? Or that I'll have to take more lactaid with it? I'm not a big fan of the soy milk, and lactose free milk is expensive, but so is lactaid. I'll have to figure something out. Stupid stomach...now it's time for stomach calming tea, maybe that will help a bit.
dreams again
What I'm remembering now is another military dream.
Apparently I had joined the army, and was at boot camp, but it was too relaxed to realy be boot camp. I never understand that. I also didn't have army uniforms, but my marine corps uniforms, so I was a little concerned about that. I recognized a few people too. At one point I was worried about wearing my Marine cover, but I saw Clark with her Marine cover too. I talked to her later one, walking with another person, and she said she went to the army because the driving was too much, apparently she was a reservist at that time. But she wasn't a reservist back in boot camp that I recall. Anyway.
Oooh, the only wierd thing I remember is they give out this form, meant to help recruit or something, I don't know. I think it's for me to help recruit others. But inside there were mcdonald's monopoly pieces. Except they didn't say everything on them, you had to use one of those plastic decoders to read them. So that's a bit odd.
Also, at one point I start to have more, private conversations with the drill instructor. Which is odd. Recruits are never taken into confidence or anything even close to that.
Also, there's a fight, another woman jumps my drill instructor, and I'm wondering if we're supposed to interfere. So I jump her, try to get her off, though I know she's way bigger and stronger than me. I take a bit of a beating, but show some creativity in getting into position to hit her. After this is where I'm talked to along the side with the DI and this other woman. They mention that they're worried about my conditioning, and that their group runs fast. I'm like, I can't run fast, I've tried.
apparently I'm hitting everything in reverse order here. Oh well. So I can add this to the tally of military dreams I'm having. They're certainly not past lives since everyone involved is always female. Perhaps this is my past trying to feel more included in this life? I need these dreams to let out that need to be around the military? Basically, I see it as sex dreams, which are often there to release pent up urges that aren't being dealt with in the waking hours. And since I don't have much trouble with pent up sexual urges, not compared to pent up military urges at least, maybe that's why I have so many military dreams. It's a working theory at least.
Apparently I had joined the army, and was at boot camp, but it was too relaxed to realy be boot camp. I never understand that. I also didn't have army uniforms, but my marine corps uniforms, so I was a little concerned about that. I recognized a few people too. At one point I was worried about wearing my Marine cover, but I saw Clark with her Marine cover too. I talked to her later one, walking with another person, and she said she went to the army because the driving was too much, apparently she was a reservist at that time. But she wasn't a reservist back in boot camp that I recall. Anyway.
Oooh, the only wierd thing I remember is they give out this form, meant to help recruit or something, I don't know. I think it's for me to help recruit others. But inside there were mcdonald's monopoly pieces. Except they didn't say everything on them, you had to use one of those plastic decoders to read them. So that's a bit odd.
Also, at one point I start to have more, private conversations with the drill instructor. Which is odd. Recruits are never taken into confidence or anything even close to that.
Also, there's a fight, another woman jumps my drill instructor, and I'm wondering if we're supposed to interfere. So I jump her, try to get her off, though I know she's way bigger and stronger than me. I take a bit of a beating, but show some creativity in getting into position to hit her. After this is where I'm talked to along the side with the DI and this other woman. They mention that they're worried about my conditioning, and that their group runs fast. I'm like, I can't run fast, I've tried.
apparently I'm hitting everything in reverse order here. Oh well. So I can add this to the tally of military dreams I'm having. They're certainly not past lives since everyone involved is always female. Perhaps this is my past trying to feel more included in this life? I need these dreams to let out that need to be around the military? Basically, I see it as sex dreams, which are often there to release pent up urges that aren't being dealt with in the waking hours. And since I don't have much trouble with pent up sexual urges, not compared to pent up military urges at least, maybe that's why I have so many military dreams. It's a working theory at least.
Friday, October 21, 2005
My brother's poems
Here are 2 poems my brother shared with me tonight. I think he's amazingly talented.
a winter poem
cool and quiet the ground grows blue
illuminateing hues,
creating dancing shadows
cellebrating the nite
under stars and moon blanketing the sky
__________________________________________
smoke
slow death suicide
dust trails drawn in the mouth
sinks into the lungs
attempting to suffocate sadness
a winter poem
cool and quiet the ground grows blue
illuminateing hues,
creating dancing shadows
cellebrating the nite
under stars and moon blanketing the sky
__________________________________________
smoke
slow death suicide
dust trails drawn in the mouth
sinks into the lungs
attempting to suffocate sadness
Google Suprise
Hahaha, I love random googling of old friends, because you never know what you'll find. Most of the time it's nothing, but today, I found this. Laura Mae Maguire is an awesomely fun person who I went to boot camp with. She's the person that got me in trouble the most. Hell, our drill instructors moved her across the squad bay to keep her out of trouble. I'd still have to fight laughter though, even with her across the room. Thoroughly entertaining! I never was very good at that bearing thing we were supposed to learn. At least we had a good time!
It'd be nice if I could actually contact her, but I don't want to join the website just to email, since I'm not sure what info I'll have to pass along. Right now it is enough to know she's alive and looking like herself, though I've never seen her in anything but a uniform. hehe
Now if only I could find a few more people, like my bunkie Stacy Morgenstern, and the sweetest person in all of boot camp, Sharon Rodriguez. All in time.
It'd be nice if I could actually contact her, but I don't want to join the website just to email, since I'm not sure what info I'll have to pass along. Right now it is enough to know she's alive and looking like herself, though I've never seen her in anything but a uniform. hehe
Now if only I could find a few more people, like my bunkie Stacy Morgenstern, and the sweetest person in all of boot camp, Sharon Rodriguez. All in time.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
where's my blogroll
Why can't I see my blogroll? That's so wierd, and annoying since I use it to get to people I read everyday. Maybe it will come back...soon!
An update on my dad (from my mom)
Well it's been a VERY stressful week. We met with a blood specialist on Monday. The doctor tried to schedule a treatment for Dean for Monday evening where they inject in iron concoction directly into the veins. He told us the risks were that if there is an allergic reaction to the treatment, it could be deadly! The treatment had to be done in the emergency room so he could be monitored very closely during the initial testing period and during the treatment.
After waiting around for a while, they discovered that the pharmacist was gone already for the day at the hospital so the treatment was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. Not much sleep for us Monday night.
I worked half a day Tuesday and got home in time to listen to a message from the hospital that the pharmacist wasn't in that day and the treatment had to be rescheduled for Wednesday afternoon! Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!
We were at the hospital until 7:30 last night. Dean came through the treatment ok. He felt yucky/funny, etc. during the treatment but it appears to have gone ok.
Now we need to wait until Monday for some more tests to see if the treatment had any effect. The doctor is probably going to schedule a bone marrow biopsy next week to see what else they can find out.
Will let you know more as we find it out.
Leona
After waiting around for a while, they discovered that the pharmacist was gone already for the day at the hospital so the treatment was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. Not much sleep for us Monday night.
I worked half a day Tuesday and got home in time to listen to a message from the hospital that the pharmacist wasn't in that day and the treatment had to be rescheduled for Wednesday afternoon! Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!
We were at the hospital until 7:30 last night. Dean came through the treatment ok. He felt yucky/funny, etc. during the treatment but it appears to have gone ok.
Now we need to wait until Monday for some more tests to see if the treatment had any effect. The doctor is probably going to schedule a bone marrow biopsy next week to see what else they can find out.
Will let you know more as we find it out.
Leona
Sunday, October 16, 2005
What if nightmares don't exist?
I was talking to my friend Aaron today when I thought of something a bit important. What if nightmares don't exist? I mean real nightmares, not those 'naked in public' type of dreams, which I don't find that scary, but those scare you to your core dreams. These are the dreams I wake up from but can't remember, or can't explain except I felt very scared.
Why I say they don't exist is that we say that dreams are just our imaginations, our mind processing the day, or whatever. But I think the times that these things happen, true fear in sleep, that's when we're being attacked in some way. It could be a psychic attack from some random predator, and you're the unlucky victim. Or it could be a deliberate attack from someone you know. Perhaps it's just a wierd shift to some very negative energy that feeds the mind's fears. In any case, I think it's all real, more real than what we consider dreams to be.
How would this change our view, if we see nightmares as real attacks rather than our imagination? Perhaps those people with chronic night terrors could get the help and guidance they need to protect themselves, and gain peace of mind. Children wouldn't feel like they're ignored when they share their experiences. We wouldn't be squashing our gut instinct out of our kids that way.
Granted, I don't know if I'm right. But it makes sense for me at the moment. Based on my experiences, I think it's a working theory for now. :-)
Why I say they don't exist is that we say that dreams are just our imaginations, our mind processing the day, or whatever. But I think the times that these things happen, true fear in sleep, that's when we're being attacked in some way. It could be a psychic attack from some random predator, and you're the unlucky victim. Or it could be a deliberate attack from someone you know. Perhaps it's just a wierd shift to some very negative energy that feeds the mind's fears. In any case, I think it's all real, more real than what we consider dreams to be.
How would this change our view, if we see nightmares as real attacks rather than our imagination? Perhaps those people with chronic night terrors could get the help and guidance they need to protect themselves, and gain peace of mind. Children wouldn't feel like they're ignored when they share their experiences. We wouldn't be squashing our gut instinct out of our kids that way.
Granted, I don't know if I'm right. But it makes sense for me at the moment. Based on my experiences, I think it's a working theory for now. :-)
Pieces of dreams
Geraldine told me to keep track of my dreams, so I guess I should try. :-) The problem is these dreams have been so piecemeal, I can't remember much. I guess I'll just write the pieces, in order if I can, and maybe something will make sense eventually.
Two nights ago
One part - Carrie and I are at her Mom and Lenny's house, but it doesn't look like their house. It's around Christmas, and we're getting gifts. I remember they gave me the wierdest gifts. I got like 20 a piece of those silicone bracelets, some orange ones that say ut on them, and some black ones that say uwrf on them. I thought that was cool, though I didn't know what to do with so many of them! Then I noticed other things, like small trinkets, miniature cherios box (like an inch), stuff like that. Which is all cute. So then later on, there's another thing they show me, and there are small earrings and stuff, all with various jewels and stuff. But I don't wear earrings, so I'm confused. But there's one that's neat, it's a piece of amethyst, also about an inch long, but not real wide. It seems like that was a necklace, otherwise that would be too heavy for an ear! It was also odd shaped. It's more like my aragonite in shape, but the color of amethyst. Can amethyst look kinda like that? I don't really remember anything else, on to the next part.
I'm driving with my parents, in what's supposed to be austin, and we're driving up the parking garage at the stadium. I guess we're going to a football game. I don't recall going to the game though. At one point I'm looking for food, but nothing is like modern day stadiums. Everything is under the concrete bleachers, and dark. There's one place that's like a restaurant though. They're out of something that someone wants, I don't think I even get anything because it's not my kind of food. This was more southern soul food, aka lots of fat on meat and stuff.
Then I'm walking with my mom in the wierd place that is this under the bleachers area. I tell her I'm going just over here, where I see people I know or want to know or something. I get over there and in my mind I see it as Ellis, but she looked like Alix Olson more. So yeah, and bit wierd. But I talk to her, try to nail down the date she's going to perform in Austin. First it's November 13 or 15, then back to the 27th or something...I wish I could remember the dates. At one point someone offers me a beer, but it's a wierd beer. I remember it saying it was a white ale or something, but it has caffeine in it. I decide to try it, and it didn't taste like beer, or coffee...it's just bizarre. I mean, completely. I drank it, pretty fast though, so I got a bit of a buzz. It's wierd to have a buzz in a dream lol
So with a buzz I go looking for my family, who has disappeared. I think we make phone calls back and forth. I don't know. Oh well. I'll just move on to last night's dream.
Last night
The first stuff I remember is that I'm going somewhere to meet Ash at a show.I end up at this crazy looking building, which at times seems like the MCC in austin, an elongated dome structure. I see her first performing in a smaller room, and she also looks different. She's in a sparkly dress I think, which is a bit odd. Lol I just watch from the distance, and she doesn't see me. There's a guy there, seems to be a manager or something, and I hang by him most of the time. Time passes, and now she's in the big room, and she starts singing a song, so I decide to run up to the stage, and lie down right down in front of the stage. She's singing "Someone to Watch Over Me". After she's done we hug for a long time, she says something about her friends embarassing her, but not in a bad way really. Then other people steal her attention (grrr...lol) and I just chill and wait. So that was all a bit wierd.
Next piece, I'm with either Carrie or my brother, but I think Carrie, and we're scaling this wooden building, which at first seems like a garage. But we get up one level and there's already another, and another. Carrie just flies up, but I start having trouble and have her give me a hand at times. I finally quit after making it up 2 or 3 levels, and there are still more. Apparently we're going to try to steal a car that someone isn't taking care of. So she's up another level, and I go to the buildings. It's like an apartment complex then, with a big open court surrounded by a fence. I try to be nonchelant, but it doesn't work. Security confronts me and I just behave myself so I can leave. I find carrie and we leave, because this is an impossible task. I remember wondering why she didn't know this place was so busy.
Then things really switch. Carrie and I are in the military, or something military related. A lot happens, but I can't remember it. At some point we get on a bus. I can't sit with carrie, so head to the front of the bus, but those are full too. There is an opening, but someone is on crutches so I give the seat to her. Then a guy calls me over and I can sit in their row. He asks if I want to listen to heavy metal. Lol, he was clearly someone I was sort of friends with. So we start driving, and my viewing perspective changes, because I was sitting on the left of the bus, but could see out the right side windows.
I see ahead of us, in the sky a very wierd weapon being tested. Imagine a very large rocket, with smaller rockets mounted around the outside. The large rocket gets it in the air, but then it hovered, and the little rockets were launched. Then the large rocket falls and hit a building. There was a lot of haze left from this, and I remember thinking that it was really bad for the environment. Then the climate changes too, as we move, and we're around snow, and there's still a large body of water to our right. I remember seeing penguins, which was wierd. We end up at a facility, I'm guessing military. I follow a higher ranking person, but he goes with someone else to a different area, looks like it's to a helicoptor. Carrie and I enter the elevator. It's very different looking, with flat buttons. it's like those completely flat electronic stoves, where everything is flat, and you can only tell a button when you push on it. but it's all metal, not plastic. Everything screams futuristic. The door shuts, and I give carrie a fast but passionate kiss, before the doors open again. I don't want to be caught. We get up there, and everyone is leaving. I ask where we're supposed to be, and the nurse sends us back down because she's going to a meeting. I think we're all there for a medical screening, and then we would go onto someplace else. At this point though, I'm waking up from my alarm.
In general, all of these places in my dreams were unknown to me. I always wonder about that, when locations that I've never seen are in my dreams. But it certainly is interesting...which is why I don't get out of bed half the time! Maybe if I get up and immediately write my dreams down it will help me get out of bed consistenly. Hmm...
Two nights ago
One part - Carrie and I are at her Mom and Lenny's house, but it doesn't look like their house. It's around Christmas, and we're getting gifts. I remember they gave me the wierdest gifts. I got like 20 a piece of those silicone bracelets, some orange ones that say ut on them, and some black ones that say uwrf on them. I thought that was cool, though I didn't know what to do with so many of them! Then I noticed other things, like small trinkets, miniature cherios box (like an inch), stuff like that. Which is all cute. So then later on, there's another thing they show me, and there are small earrings and stuff, all with various jewels and stuff. But I don't wear earrings, so I'm confused. But there's one that's neat, it's a piece of amethyst, also about an inch long, but not real wide. It seems like that was a necklace, otherwise that would be too heavy for an ear! It was also odd shaped. It's more like my aragonite in shape, but the color of amethyst. Can amethyst look kinda like that? I don't really remember anything else, on to the next part.
I'm driving with my parents, in what's supposed to be austin, and we're driving up the parking garage at the stadium. I guess we're going to a football game. I don't recall going to the game though. At one point I'm looking for food, but nothing is like modern day stadiums. Everything is under the concrete bleachers, and dark. There's one place that's like a restaurant though. They're out of something that someone wants, I don't think I even get anything because it's not my kind of food. This was more southern soul food, aka lots of fat on meat and stuff.
Then I'm walking with my mom in the wierd place that is this under the bleachers area. I tell her I'm going just over here, where I see people I know or want to know or something. I get over there and in my mind I see it as Ellis, but she looked like Alix Olson more. So yeah, and bit wierd. But I talk to her, try to nail down the date she's going to perform in Austin. First it's November 13 or 15, then back to the 27th or something...I wish I could remember the dates. At one point someone offers me a beer, but it's a wierd beer. I remember it saying it was a white ale or something, but it has caffeine in it. I decide to try it, and it didn't taste like beer, or coffee...it's just bizarre. I mean, completely. I drank it, pretty fast though, so I got a bit of a buzz. It's wierd to have a buzz in a dream lol
So with a buzz I go looking for my family, who has disappeared. I think we make phone calls back and forth. I don't know. Oh well. I'll just move on to last night's dream.
Last night
The first stuff I remember is that I'm going somewhere to meet Ash at a show.I end up at this crazy looking building, which at times seems like the MCC in austin, an elongated dome structure. I see her first performing in a smaller room, and she also looks different. She's in a sparkly dress I think, which is a bit odd. Lol I just watch from the distance, and she doesn't see me. There's a guy there, seems to be a manager or something, and I hang by him most of the time. Time passes, and now she's in the big room, and she starts singing a song, so I decide to run up to the stage, and lie down right down in front of the stage. She's singing "Someone to Watch Over Me". After she's done we hug for a long time, she says something about her friends embarassing her, but not in a bad way really. Then other people steal her attention (grrr...lol) and I just chill and wait. So that was all a bit wierd.
Next piece, I'm with either Carrie or my brother, but I think Carrie, and we're scaling this wooden building, which at first seems like a garage. But we get up one level and there's already another, and another. Carrie just flies up, but I start having trouble and have her give me a hand at times. I finally quit after making it up 2 or 3 levels, and there are still more. Apparently we're going to try to steal a car that someone isn't taking care of. So she's up another level, and I go to the buildings. It's like an apartment complex then, with a big open court surrounded by a fence. I try to be nonchelant, but it doesn't work. Security confronts me and I just behave myself so I can leave. I find carrie and we leave, because this is an impossible task. I remember wondering why she didn't know this place was so busy.
Then things really switch. Carrie and I are in the military, or something military related. A lot happens, but I can't remember it. At some point we get on a bus. I can't sit with carrie, so head to the front of the bus, but those are full too. There is an opening, but someone is on crutches so I give the seat to her. Then a guy calls me over and I can sit in their row. He asks if I want to listen to heavy metal. Lol, he was clearly someone I was sort of friends with. So we start driving, and my viewing perspective changes, because I was sitting on the left of the bus, but could see out the right side windows.
I see ahead of us, in the sky a very wierd weapon being tested. Imagine a very large rocket, with smaller rockets mounted around the outside. The large rocket gets it in the air, but then it hovered, and the little rockets were launched. Then the large rocket falls and hit a building. There was a lot of haze left from this, and I remember thinking that it was really bad for the environment. Then the climate changes too, as we move, and we're around snow, and there's still a large body of water to our right. I remember seeing penguins, which was wierd. We end up at a facility, I'm guessing military. I follow a higher ranking person, but he goes with someone else to a different area, looks like it's to a helicoptor. Carrie and I enter the elevator. It's very different looking, with flat buttons. it's like those completely flat electronic stoves, where everything is flat, and you can only tell a button when you push on it. but it's all metal, not plastic. Everything screams futuristic. The door shuts, and I give carrie a fast but passionate kiss, before the doors open again. I don't want to be caught. We get up there, and everyone is leaving. I ask where we're supposed to be, and the nurse sends us back down because she's going to a meeting. I think we're all there for a medical screening, and then we would go onto someplace else. At this point though, I'm waking up from my alarm.
In general, all of these places in my dreams were unknown to me. I always wonder about that, when locations that I've never seen are in my dreams. But it certainly is interesting...which is why I don't get out of bed half the time! Maybe if I get up and immediately write my dreams down it will help me get out of bed consistenly. Hmm...
Friday, October 14, 2005
Body Mind Spirit Expo
Saturday I went to the body mind spirit expo (I hate the order of those words, by the way) I had never been to one before, and decided I would walk through the whole thing before deciding on readings and purchases. However, the first person I talked to intrigued me. He gave me a pamphlet on her, and told me that she doesn't ask any questions, and she covers many things, and will go in depth with you. Then I saw the price, and decided to wait. It's hard to spend $55 for a half hour, even if I did get a tingle in my spine.
So I continued to walk around. There was another booth that sells this wand type things for meditation and healing. I was skeptical, but my crown chakra was tingling like crazy! So maybe there is something to them. They're made by a monk at least, it's his way of giving back. However, they were super expensive, and I doubt I would use them right now. Something to keep in mind though.
I also enjoyed talking to the tantra woman. I mentioned that I was curious, but everything is written for straight people, so it's not as applicable. Apparently she brought this up to the guy who does their training, and he had tried a gay class, but he kept stumbling and offending people because he'd taught straight people for so long. She's hoping to bring in his ex wife to do a female only seminar though, which could be more applicable. It's certainly interesting, the idea of healing through sex. Especially healing wounds induced through sexual violence. But it'd be wierd to sit in a class. Damn protestant upbringing! Something to keep in mind though. Perhaps I'll read up on it and figure out how to apply it.
So after all the walking around, I decided I really wanted to know what this woman could tell me. I set up my appointment, and then went home for a few hours until my time. While waiting I tried to do some car maintenance. But, I discovered that I didn't have a deep enough socket to change my spark plugs, I didn't have the right plug for the stereo, and I couldn't get all of the corrosion off my battery terminals. But, I got a lot off, and sprayed the anti-corrosion agent on it. And I got the headlight back in it's housing. At least it was something. Then I spent some time trying to decide what to ask her, which turned out to be unnecessary.
I returned to the expo, and had to wait an hour and a half due to her being behind schedule. However, it was truly worth it. I wish I could have had another half hour. I have a tape, and plan to transcribe it when I have time. To begin, she says a prayer, but not a religious type prayer, so it wasn't a big deal. however, I felt very strange during it. I felt like the energy was all sorts of confusing. I felt unsettled, but also felt my energy raise...it's impossible to describe really. I was a bit nervous because it felt so wierd. She didn't record the prayer, and I honestly don't remember what she said beyond a word or two. I was too confused.
She said during the prayer she felt a great love enter me. That was interesting, and I believe I felt it, in the midst of all the insanity. Then she just scanned my aura quickly. First she said I'm a thinker, logic is highly important, which it is. She said I think and think on a problem until I exhaust myself and then just decide.
As she went to the 3rd eye area, she said I have some gifts, but they feel compressed, like logic is squashing them. But there are things in my life that defy logic, and I've been struggling with that. I need to learn to balance the gift of gut instinct with logic, because ignoring either would put me out of balance. She also said that I'm a dreamer, and need to keep track of my dreams. I should try to find meaning in them, even years later, as they can provide new insight into a current problem (in general).
As she kept scanning she said she felt healing energy from my hands, so I should look into reiki. I mentioned that I planned to, but haven't had time. She said when it was the right time I would be able to do it easily.
The only other thing was a blockage in the intestine area, basically meat and cheese and bread. She said I should do an enema, which I didn't...because I couldn't find one, and didn't want to, honestly. Instead I've been drinking a detox tea and drank an herbal laxative tea. However, since then my stomach has been tight, and gas has been a real problem. My stomach won't stay settled. I can't figure out what my body needs. But I keep taking the ginger pills, like she suggested, and the detox tea and just try to balance out. And I'm going to keep trying to get the right food in me.
She started to go more in depth after the scan. She checked the energy around money, and said it should stay boring basically, a little increase in march, and little, but nothing fancy. Career wise is also boring. Haha, better than it being bad! But it makes sense, since I'm in school and things remain consistent. Also, she said that I have a fear of the future, which is true. But if I trust my gut I won't have to be so afraid. Also, she said Carrie and I both are very sensitive to others, and get our feelings hurt easily, though for different things. I am a very feeling oriented person, though I've spent much of my life squashing that. however, that is why I listen to music that makes me really feel, because it puts me in touch with it (my insight, not hers lol). Carrie can literally feel how others are feeling, which means she can feel what others think about her. Not often a pleasant experience.
When it came to relationships she said that someone was there, but had recently left. I was a little confused, I said someone should be there. But I told her carrie was visiting her family in indiana, so her focus is on them. That made sense to her, and she drew carrie back a bit. Then she spent a bit of time scanning her. She picked up on her ear problems immediately. However, she said it was just the ear infection, and not a ruptured eardrum. I'd pay $55 just to learn that! It made me feel so much better. We're supposed to do ear coning a few times, which should clear it right up. Spiritually she said this relates to not wanting to hear what's coming at her. She's been bombarded all summer by all sorts of new and...odd beings, and this is her reaction to it. It made sense to me. Hopefully she'll be able to release that issue.
That was the only real health problem she found, which is also good. Money wise, things shouldn't be changing much with her either, which is good. And she didn't see carrie getting a job at all next year, which is interesting. I guess she needs more time to heal still, which is ok. She did focus in on a few things. She said that carrie is afraid of stressing me out, so she stresses herself out. She's very torn about her family and me, and that I shouldn't expect her to resolve that soon. It will be something we deal with for quite some time. Also, carrie is very self sacrificing. I'll have to return to the tape to remember details though. All of these things made sense.
Then, the last few minutes is where things got really interesting, in my opinion. First, she introduced me to my spirit guide. I believe his name is Chukna. She describes him as around 5'10", very dark skinned, like cherokee in coloring, native american, with long thick wavy dark hair. He's a very large man, not fat, but just very large and strong. The unique aspect is his eyes though. He has very blue eyes, which is quite interesting. He wants me to know that he's protecting me. Part of the craziness during the prayer must have been him fighting off who knows what. She couldn't make sense of that until she talked to him though. So I can rest easy knowing I have a very strong and capable spirit guide protecting me. That really does help, because I've spent a lot of time learning ways to protect myself and carrie especially. Strangely enough, Carrie thinks she's seen him a few times in dreams, which is interesting.
Then we moved onto past lives. First, the reason my energy is so masculine is that I've been a man far more than I've been a woman, and I've been strong men. My last life I was a captain in the military during WW1. She said she saw blue uniforms, which is odd, but she thought it was still American. At least we were the good guys :-) She said I was an older guy, never married, basically married to the military, and very hard on my boys. I would train them hard, trying to prepare them for combat, and they didn't really understand or appreciate it until we arrived in Germany. I used to call them mama's boys :-)
And, ironically enough, Carrie (as a man then) was in my platoon. She was the cook, and apparently a very good one. What was unique about my situation is that I trained these boys from boot camp on. I just kept getting well timed promotions and assignments so that I kept moving with them, which is odd. Also, Carrie and I had a unique bond then too, so I had this motto of 'protect the cook at all costs', which means she stayed in the rear. Unfortunately, this didn't protect her. There were a few sneaky Germans that came up from the rear, and Carrie was the first casualty. As she died she felt stupid for volunteering for the war, and angry at having died so young. This is why she still hates war and the military today. I also believe that's why she's had this sense that she wouldn't live to see 21, and even now doesn't feel like she should be alive.
For my part, I felt like a failure for her death, because I couldn't protect her. This has carried over into this life also. I have this need to protect her, because I failed before. But this also explains why I've always loved the military, even though I wasn't around it really. I've also been really into war for most of my life, which is a bit odd. I think it's also interesting that my hardcore attitude, especially when I think something is for the best, is still part of my personality. It's a bit odd, but interesting.
Oh, she did confirm that Carrie and I have shared many lives together, and we are soul mates. She explained that soul mates has nothing to do with sexuality, as our last life shows, since we weren't together in that lifetime. But to not worry, because it is real. I thought that was pretty cool. It again confirmed a suspician, along with my theory of my gender expression being due to past lives, and the military thing. Funny how all of those gut instincts were right! Hahah, I guess she's right about that. :-)
Also, earlier in the reading she mentioned when she called carrie 'closer' in the connection she could really feel carrie respond, and that it was so sweet, our love, she wanted to cry. It was cute :-)
Unfortunately we ran out of time. I never got to ask questions, though the spirit guide and past lives were questions. A few questions I still want answered are:
1. Why can't I remember much of my childhood?
2. Why is Holloway so darn important?
3. Is logic the biggest thing holding me back, or is it something else?
4. How can I contact my spirit guide on my own?
5. More about past lives, especially nailing down the last one, at least what country. I would also like to know more distant lives, and if I've lived on other planets yet.
6. I'm sure there were others, but they're escaping me now. In any case, I'm sure we'll be calling her to do a reading over the phone. We both have so many questions that aren't easily knowable without her type of help.
By the way, her name is Geraldine, her website is The Light Center, which is located in Michigan. I'd like to mention again, she told me all of this without asking questions, and with very very little input from me. I'm so amazed by her talent...I'm so glad I spoke with her. It was a great experience, and I have a new confidence in my gut instinct and other abilities. This can keep me busy for a while :-)
So I continued to walk around. There was another booth that sells this wand type things for meditation and healing. I was skeptical, but my crown chakra was tingling like crazy! So maybe there is something to them. They're made by a monk at least, it's his way of giving back. However, they were super expensive, and I doubt I would use them right now. Something to keep in mind though.
I also enjoyed talking to the tantra woman. I mentioned that I was curious, but everything is written for straight people, so it's not as applicable. Apparently she brought this up to the guy who does their training, and he had tried a gay class, but he kept stumbling and offending people because he'd taught straight people for so long. She's hoping to bring in his ex wife to do a female only seminar though, which could be more applicable. It's certainly interesting, the idea of healing through sex. Especially healing wounds induced through sexual violence. But it'd be wierd to sit in a class. Damn protestant upbringing! Something to keep in mind though. Perhaps I'll read up on it and figure out how to apply it.
So after all the walking around, I decided I really wanted to know what this woman could tell me. I set up my appointment, and then went home for a few hours until my time. While waiting I tried to do some car maintenance. But, I discovered that I didn't have a deep enough socket to change my spark plugs, I didn't have the right plug for the stereo, and I couldn't get all of the corrosion off my battery terminals. But, I got a lot off, and sprayed the anti-corrosion agent on it. And I got the headlight back in it's housing. At least it was something. Then I spent some time trying to decide what to ask her, which turned out to be unnecessary.
I returned to the expo, and had to wait an hour and a half due to her being behind schedule. However, it was truly worth it. I wish I could have had another half hour. I have a tape, and plan to transcribe it when I have time. To begin, she says a prayer, but not a religious type prayer, so it wasn't a big deal. however, I felt very strange during it. I felt like the energy was all sorts of confusing. I felt unsettled, but also felt my energy raise...it's impossible to describe really. I was a bit nervous because it felt so wierd. She didn't record the prayer, and I honestly don't remember what she said beyond a word or two. I was too confused.
She said during the prayer she felt a great love enter me. That was interesting, and I believe I felt it, in the midst of all the insanity. Then she just scanned my aura quickly. First she said I'm a thinker, logic is highly important, which it is. She said I think and think on a problem until I exhaust myself and then just decide.
As she went to the 3rd eye area, she said I have some gifts, but they feel compressed, like logic is squashing them. But there are things in my life that defy logic, and I've been struggling with that. I need to learn to balance the gift of gut instinct with logic, because ignoring either would put me out of balance. She also said that I'm a dreamer, and need to keep track of my dreams. I should try to find meaning in them, even years later, as they can provide new insight into a current problem (in general).
As she kept scanning she said she felt healing energy from my hands, so I should look into reiki. I mentioned that I planned to, but haven't had time. She said when it was the right time I would be able to do it easily.
The only other thing was a blockage in the intestine area, basically meat and cheese and bread. She said I should do an enema, which I didn't...because I couldn't find one, and didn't want to, honestly. Instead I've been drinking a detox tea and drank an herbal laxative tea. However, since then my stomach has been tight, and gas has been a real problem. My stomach won't stay settled. I can't figure out what my body needs. But I keep taking the ginger pills, like she suggested, and the detox tea and just try to balance out. And I'm going to keep trying to get the right food in me.
She started to go more in depth after the scan. She checked the energy around money, and said it should stay boring basically, a little increase in march, and little, but nothing fancy. Career wise is also boring. Haha, better than it being bad! But it makes sense, since I'm in school and things remain consistent. Also, she said that I have a fear of the future, which is true. But if I trust my gut I won't have to be so afraid. Also, she said Carrie and I both are very sensitive to others, and get our feelings hurt easily, though for different things. I am a very feeling oriented person, though I've spent much of my life squashing that. however, that is why I listen to music that makes me really feel, because it puts me in touch with it (my insight, not hers lol). Carrie can literally feel how others are feeling, which means she can feel what others think about her. Not often a pleasant experience.
When it came to relationships she said that someone was there, but had recently left. I was a little confused, I said someone should be there. But I told her carrie was visiting her family in indiana, so her focus is on them. That made sense to her, and she drew carrie back a bit. Then she spent a bit of time scanning her. She picked up on her ear problems immediately. However, she said it was just the ear infection, and not a ruptured eardrum. I'd pay $55 just to learn that! It made me feel so much better. We're supposed to do ear coning a few times, which should clear it right up. Spiritually she said this relates to not wanting to hear what's coming at her. She's been bombarded all summer by all sorts of new and...odd beings, and this is her reaction to it. It made sense to me. Hopefully she'll be able to release that issue.
That was the only real health problem she found, which is also good. Money wise, things shouldn't be changing much with her either, which is good. And she didn't see carrie getting a job at all next year, which is interesting. I guess she needs more time to heal still, which is ok. She did focus in on a few things. She said that carrie is afraid of stressing me out, so she stresses herself out. She's very torn about her family and me, and that I shouldn't expect her to resolve that soon. It will be something we deal with for quite some time. Also, carrie is very self sacrificing. I'll have to return to the tape to remember details though. All of these things made sense.
Then, the last few minutes is where things got really interesting, in my opinion. First, she introduced me to my spirit guide. I believe his name is Chukna. She describes him as around 5'10", very dark skinned, like cherokee in coloring, native american, with long thick wavy dark hair. He's a very large man, not fat, but just very large and strong. The unique aspect is his eyes though. He has very blue eyes, which is quite interesting. He wants me to know that he's protecting me. Part of the craziness during the prayer must have been him fighting off who knows what. She couldn't make sense of that until she talked to him though. So I can rest easy knowing I have a very strong and capable spirit guide protecting me. That really does help, because I've spent a lot of time learning ways to protect myself and carrie especially. Strangely enough, Carrie thinks she's seen him a few times in dreams, which is interesting.
Then we moved onto past lives. First, the reason my energy is so masculine is that I've been a man far more than I've been a woman, and I've been strong men. My last life I was a captain in the military during WW1. She said she saw blue uniforms, which is odd, but she thought it was still American. At least we were the good guys :-) She said I was an older guy, never married, basically married to the military, and very hard on my boys. I would train them hard, trying to prepare them for combat, and they didn't really understand or appreciate it until we arrived in Germany. I used to call them mama's boys :-)
And, ironically enough, Carrie (as a man then) was in my platoon. She was the cook, and apparently a very good one. What was unique about my situation is that I trained these boys from boot camp on. I just kept getting well timed promotions and assignments so that I kept moving with them, which is odd. Also, Carrie and I had a unique bond then too, so I had this motto of 'protect the cook at all costs', which means she stayed in the rear. Unfortunately, this didn't protect her. There were a few sneaky Germans that came up from the rear, and Carrie was the first casualty. As she died she felt stupid for volunteering for the war, and angry at having died so young. This is why she still hates war and the military today. I also believe that's why she's had this sense that she wouldn't live to see 21, and even now doesn't feel like she should be alive.
For my part, I felt like a failure for her death, because I couldn't protect her. This has carried over into this life also. I have this need to protect her, because I failed before. But this also explains why I've always loved the military, even though I wasn't around it really. I've also been really into war for most of my life, which is a bit odd. I think it's also interesting that my hardcore attitude, especially when I think something is for the best, is still part of my personality. It's a bit odd, but interesting.
Oh, she did confirm that Carrie and I have shared many lives together, and we are soul mates. She explained that soul mates has nothing to do with sexuality, as our last life shows, since we weren't together in that lifetime. But to not worry, because it is real. I thought that was pretty cool. It again confirmed a suspician, along with my theory of my gender expression being due to past lives, and the military thing. Funny how all of those gut instincts were right! Hahah, I guess she's right about that. :-)
Also, earlier in the reading she mentioned when she called carrie 'closer' in the connection she could really feel carrie respond, and that it was so sweet, our love, she wanted to cry. It was cute :-)
Unfortunately we ran out of time. I never got to ask questions, though the spirit guide and past lives were questions. A few questions I still want answered are:
1. Why can't I remember much of my childhood?
2. Why is Holloway so darn important?
3. Is logic the biggest thing holding me back, or is it something else?
4. How can I contact my spirit guide on my own?
5. More about past lives, especially nailing down the last one, at least what country. I would also like to know more distant lives, and if I've lived on other planets yet.
6. I'm sure there were others, but they're escaping me now. In any case, I'm sure we'll be calling her to do a reading over the phone. We both have so many questions that aren't easily knowable without her type of help.
By the way, her name is Geraldine, her website is The Light Center, which is located in Michigan. I'd like to mention again, she told me all of this without asking questions, and with very very little input from me. I'm so amazed by her talent...I'm so glad I spoke with her. It was a great experience, and I have a new confidence in my gut instinct and other abilities. This can keep me busy for a while :-)
So many things to update...
Carrie made it home safely on tuesday, after a long night before in an argument of sorts. It wasn't an argument about each other or our relationship, so no worries. Then, I woke up tuesday and didn't check the board, and thought carrie's plane got in at 11:40 instead of 11:20, so I was late! Eeek, not so good. however, all was well. She was very sleepy, since she hadn't slept yet, but it was nice to have her home again.
Tuesday was also the day my brother got out of jail for good. Three months can go so fast and so slow at the same time. He called me around 8:15, a little after carrie woke me up to say she was in memphis. I congratulated him on his freedom but then said I was going back to sleep, and did.
I skipped classical on tuesday, again, so Carrie and I could eat lunch together. I just didn't want to leave right away after such an emotional week. Yeah...that's my excuse :-)
Since she got home we've just tried to get her back on track now. Consistently taking her medication, getting sleep, and eating better. We've both been craving quality food, but don't have the time or energy to cook it. We'll have to figure it out soon though, because my stomach hates me lately!
I'm going to make a seperate post about my psychic experience, because it was so awesome. Other than that, not too much exciting has happened. But that's ok :-)
Tuesday was also the day my brother got out of jail for good. Three months can go so fast and so slow at the same time. He called me around 8:15, a little after carrie woke me up to say she was in memphis. I congratulated him on his freedom but then said I was going back to sleep, and did.
I skipped classical on tuesday, again, so Carrie and I could eat lunch together. I just didn't want to leave right away after such an emotional week. Yeah...that's my excuse :-)
Since she got home we've just tried to get her back on track now. Consistently taking her medication, getting sleep, and eating better. We've both been craving quality food, but don't have the time or energy to cook it. We'll have to figure it out soon though, because my stomach hates me lately!
I'm going to make a seperate post about my psychic experience, because it was so awesome. Other than that, not too much exciting has happened. But that's ok :-)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Woohoo for cold air!
Oh my god, it's seriously 58 degrees. 58! I'm sooooo happy. I can stop smiling, and my heart just wants to explode! Why do I keep living in the hottest places on earth?! Why?! I love the cold! But woohoo!!!! A little reprieve from the heat :-D
It helps balance out the loneliness at being home alone. Carrie left for Indiana tuesday. It's only thursday...which sucks. I kinda feel like the kid who's left home alone for the first time. You're kinda excited, but quickly realize it's a bit boring to have no one to talk to. So while it's nice that I don't have to feel guilty for being at school, or being on the computer, it's not so nice being all by myself, with just the cats. They don't really talk...just yell at me for not playing with them :-)
So carrie comes home tuesday, which will rock, but that's also the day my brother gets out of jail. Three months can fly by...unless you're the person stuck dealing with the whole prison situation. But it's good that it's finally over, and we can start the three years of probation. That will be a bit harder. Neither of us does well with authority, and he has a lot of rules to follow for a while. I hope he doesn't screw it up. But, there really isn't much I can do about that. I'll just try to listen to him rant and keep him in the right direction for him.
And now, my hyper self is going to see if MDSplus installed properly so I can do some research and be a contributing lab member. :-)
It helps balance out the loneliness at being home alone. Carrie left for Indiana tuesday. It's only thursday...which sucks. I kinda feel like the kid who's left home alone for the first time. You're kinda excited, but quickly realize it's a bit boring to have no one to talk to. So while it's nice that I don't have to feel guilty for being at school, or being on the computer, it's not so nice being all by myself, with just the cats. They don't really talk...just yell at me for not playing with them :-)
So carrie comes home tuesday, which will rock, but that's also the day my brother gets out of jail. Three months can fly by...unless you're the person stuck dealing with the whole prison situation. But it's good that it's finally over, and we can start the three years of probation. That will be a bit harder. Neither of us does well with authority, and he has a lot of rules to follow for a while. I hope he doesn't screw it up. But, there really isn't much I can do about that. I'll just try to listen to him rant and keep him in the right direction for him.
And now, my hyper self is going to see if MDSplus installed properly so I can do some research and be a contributing lab member. :-)