so much...and so little

It's wierd to have chaos relatively close to you, but to not be in it. My brother reported to jail today, the start of a 4 month sentence that will really be 3. Assuming my mom can get a copy of Brilee's birth certificate he'll be out tomorrow to take care of him. So he actually will get wednesday, friday, and sunday off during the day because those are his child visitation days, which is good. He had huber, but his job fired him, which sucks. It was a crappy job at Dollar General, but jeez. They knew this was going on, he's a good employee, but whatever. It's just going to be difficult to find a job after...However I do believe this will all work out, if he takes advantage of the situation to improve himself and begin to learn from his mistakes. I just don't know how to help him at this point in time. I'll figure it out though.

I'm hoping with this part behind her, my mom can relax a little bit. She just takes everything on...she needs to learn to let go. Stressing yourself to death is not fun, but it's a tough pattern to get out of. In time I'll find the way to help her too. Because if I can't help my family, what good is all this training? To help the whole world, but not my family is a failure of a sort, because it means I wasn't able to figure this out. I know it isn't all up to me, but I think for most people it's easier to help strangers than those closest to us. Which is why it's a failure of sorts if I can't get past that, because it means I couldn't get over myself.

So there's a lot going on...and nothing at all. My life is pretty mundane, but not in a bad way. It just is. Even this doesn't phase me much, though it's hard to not get frustrated at the whole situation. I know I'm not really dealing with it...but I'm not really sure how. I can let go of the feelings for a time, but they always come back. Does that mean I'm not really letting go, or that I'm just going to have to keep letting it go until the situation doesn't come up anymore? This is where the lack of a mentor is felt, because I don't know. I have an idea...but I'm goingto write a separte post because it's going to be long I'm guessing :-)