Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm moving my blog

After some discussion with my wife, I realized the only way to be fair to both of us is to get a blog where I can post privately. I've started a blog that is now http://butchjax.wordpress.com/ I'm going to keep this one up until I can import it to the new one. But with all the fancy features, it will definately be an improvement. It might be another day or so, but I'll be posting there from now on. I hope to see everyone there!

More 'coincidences'

Someday I'll get to writing about our trip...maybe. lol

Anyway, the other day we went to eat at joy east. Carrie's ankle started really hurting, so we hopped across the parking lot to her chiropractor, who is also a physical therapist. He felt around, and then yanked the hell out of her foot! It was crazy to watch lol The next day he had to adjust it another way to get the foot back to where it belonged. And now it is, but it's still swollen so he took xrays. We'll know more tomorrow. But, that's not the point of this story lol

While we were waiting I picked up a random Austin magazine that had pictures of pretty houses in it. I showed carrie a picture of this house, and all she says is "that's our kitchen!" I'm like, what?! lol Seriously? And yes, she said that's exactly what our kitchen looks like her all her dreams. So I have her look at the other pictures of the house, and it's just the kitchen that looks like ours. How interesting is that? An unscheduled stop at the chiro, picking up a random magazine for 4 or 5 months ago, and we find our kitchen? That's so amazing! lol So that's our little 'coincidence' for the week.

Also, Carrie's having dreams still. The other night she had a dream where he was older, around 18 or 19. She walks to the entry way and just sees muddy footprints, which pisses her off a bit lol. She yells "Ri!" and he comes right away. they have a discussion about taking off boots right away and stuff. But it is funny. So new details. He's wearing a union jacket, so he works a trade of some sort but is also doing music. Also, carrie went to the garage and saw his car. His license plate has a thing that says Riley on it, so I guess we're back to that name :-) But she has the sense this car was hers, and she sold it to him. It's a beautiful classic mustang in a pearl purple. Which also fits with her idea of getting a classic car and converting it to biodiesel. lol, which is hilarious. Also, we must live in a climate that gets a bit cold cause Riley is wearing a heavy jacket. Oh, and the last thing is that throughout he's just a good looking kid. She's just suprised we have such a good looking kid lol, self esteem issues popping up eh? ;-)

by the way, she hates that I write about this stuff, but I don't care. I mean I do, but I need to write about it to organize my thoughts about it. So I'm being a bit selfish, I know. And if it became a real issue, I'd stop. But I'm not writing about anything truly personal. Like my bendable morals? lol, at least I know I do it.

Today on the bus I saw this kid and I just looked at him, wondering if that's what Riley would look like. I don't mean this in a wierd, you could be the father thing, but if he's similar looking.

As time goes on, I'm more and more comfortable with the idea of having a boy by the way. I've been learning more and more about how to raise a well adjusted boy, and I think we can pull it off. Though we're still knee deep in the circumcision decision. But other than that, I really look forward to this. I just feel like my life is just going to be more and more joyfull, because I want it to be. I'm finally moving into that headspace and beliefspace to make it all happen. One step at a time, but it really feels good. :-)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

visions of the future

I think I discussed a little in the past about Carrie's dreams, and how they can be prophetic. Well, lately she's having consistent, vivid dreams that take place in our future. And as she tells me what happens, I feel them, like they're really happening to me. My heart fills with joy and love, for a child I have yet to meet. I want to share some of those stories now, because they make me so happy. These stories take place in all different time frames, from him being a toddler up to around age 8 or 9, though they are infrequent in comparison.

In many of the dreams we're playing. He apparently likes to climb all over me, which is fun but not fun at the same time lol. But I certainly love to play with fun kids, so this doesn't suprise me. Ok, real stories :-)

in one dream, carrie is hearing this thumping sound, over and over again. She has no idea what it is, so she leaves the studio, and lo and behold, there's our boy running up and down the stairs! She asks him what he's doing. What's his answer? "Exercising" :-P what a little snot haha apparently he was bugging me, and I told him to do it. But, I did not tell him to run up and down the stairs above the studio, which would bother carrie! But it makes me laugh like crazy hehe

Another time, he wants to play my drumset in the studio, which involves moving things around. Anyone who knows a drummer knows you never move things without permission, never! But, he really wanted to play. So I sat down, and he sat on my lap. I worked the feet, and he played away with his hands. But he could barely reach, so it was hilarious she said. Just super cute! And, he's pretty good. :-)

One story isn't so fun. We send him to school at some point, and he's not doing well. I want to pull him out, but carrie wants him to stay to learn how to sit still and pay attention. We have a huge fight about it, apparently. So that'll be interesting...I'm a staunch supporter of home schooling, so I don't see this position changing anytime soon.

A funny element to all of this...we don't know his name. He's never had a name in any dream. We call him boy, or other nicknames. Carrie's even asked him what his name is, trying to get him to spill it, but he says he doesn't know. Sometimes he's called dean, but otherwise he doesn't know. And this is what makes me laugh, because we used to have a boys name picked out, until my brother named his kid. Carrie doesn't want to have a brilee and a riley in the same family, so now we don't have a clue. But, we'll still keep dean for a middle name, which is why that'd be the only thing mentioned. At least we have some time before we have to come up with one lol

Another little change is that sometimes this kid is a girl, but only occasionally. However, it's always the same soul, the same little person inside, just a different body. I think it shows some of the flexibility in this future yet. We have a good chance of getting a boy, but it could still be a girl. In any case, carrie feels that this soul is already hanging around, just waiting for the chance to be born into our lives. And I think she's probably right. Her gut instinct tends to be correct on this, and I feel so much love for this soul that I've never seen or met, it's hard to imagine feeling it for someone who isn't ready.

Anyway, what this all adds up to for me is this: I feel that our path before us is clear. I don't mean clear as in easily seen, but free of major obstacles. It feels that between carrie and myself we've managed to removed the major belief blockages that were keeping our dream away from us. Now that we're becoming 'blended beings' as abraham says, our path is opening wide for us. It really felt, yesterday especially, that all we have to do is put in the time to make it reality. A little school, opportunities fall into place...and it's all there for us. I finally understand what god talks about in the conversations with god books. Believe and feel as if you've already received what you're asking for. Because I can feel it...I already have it. I already love this child, he's real to me. This house, this studio...it's all real. and it's all with us now, and in time it will be physically with us. It's beyond exciting to me, and I feel so much gratitude when I think about it. The stuff that abraham is sharing with us is true, and it works, boy does it work. I encourage everyone to read the books Ask and it is Given and the Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther and Jerry Hicks, and Abraham. All of the books I read before helped me reach this place, but these are the ultimate key to life. You can check out some stuff for free on their website . They have free mp3 tracks that serve as an introduction to all of this, which are quite interesting. When I listen to these, I'm filled with so much joy and energy...I hope they can bring everyone else the same.

drum heads

There's nothing better than new drum heads to make things sound a ton better. oooooh...happiness :-)

Friday, January 06, 2006

The trip, part 1 (Austin - River Falls)

Let's see how much I can remember...

Day 1 - we drove. a lot. all the way to kansas city. blah... however, the hotel was super worth the money. :-) Yay for holiday inn! We arrived after the kitchen closed, but they let us heat up our soups in the microwave. We had a nice picnic of soup and sandwhiches on the bed while watching tv. A nice little evening :-)

Day 2 - more driving. When we got up to the twin cities it started to snow in random patches. We missed the turn to find Amanda's taco bell, but she gave us directions for woodbury. I got to remember how to drive in light snow, which was good. She fed us, and we got to talk for a little. Amanda is such a sweetheart, truly one of the most kindhearted people I've ever met. And she's going to Japan next week! Super cool!

After taco bell we made it to river falls. Since it was nip tuck night (and a certain boy is an asshole) we said screw it and saw Danielle and our godson Colton. It was already after 10 pm but he was wide awake and playing with his trains. Apparently I'm loads of fun because he had to show me all of his toys. It was beyond cute! We had to leave before too long so we didn't keep crystal up though.

The next day, wednesday I believe, was quite the day. I woke up, went outside, and my front tire is flat on the ground! We put on the spare, and made an appointment at firestone in hudson. In the meantime, Amanda came by and we went by school, saw Jon for a bit. After she dropped us off we drove very slowly to hudson (after filling the spare). Turns out, there was nothing wrong with the tire. That confused us both, but what can you do. The kid put the tire back on, and then came back and asked if my car starts wierd. Now I'm really confused. So we go out there, and it turns out my freakin ignition cylinder went out, right there in the bay! So the mechanic messed with it, and he ends up keeping the car overnight until Toyota gets the part to him in the morning. So Crystal picks us up and we go back to her place. We made her watch debs with us, which was lots of fun, and then borrowed her car to see Danielle and colton again. He was hilarious again. this time we brought his present too so we played with trains in a little people castle. He also had to show me all of his books, which was super cute :-)

A short digression on colton. The kid is 2 1/2, but he's so freakin smart! He put together his thomas the tank engine tracks, and knows all their names. He's able to drink out of full soda cans without any spilling. None of the fancy seatbelts can hold him because he figures them out too fast. And you can truly watch him think when he plays. Never saw him throw any toys, didn't hit them, nothing you expect toddlers to do. It's crazy! It was an amazing experience with him, and was truly sad to say goodbye.

Ok, back to story. In the end, we get the car back, use my mom's credit card to pay the $300 bill (eeek!) and end up able to leave later on thursday. We swing by burger king to see josh, who makes us the best whoppers ever! And he was super fun. he clearly needs more gay friends. lol

So thursday we made it to my parents house. And with that I will end this post.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

home safe

and that's about all the energy I have to type tonight. I'll update later.

Sunday, December 18, 2005


Just a note, we're leaving for wisconsin tomorrow morning. Things are a bit hectic, and tight on money, but it'll be ok. I used priceline to book our hotel so we have a room at the holiday inn in Kansas City for only $35! Too bad the one day we're there is the day they're doing maintenance on the whirlpool, figures lol

Here's our general itinerary:

19 dec - leave
21 dec - arrive at River Falls in the evening
22 dec - leave for my parents that evening sometime (it's only 4 hours anyway)
23-31 dec - in New London at my parents
31 dec - drive to Evansville (about 8 hours)
31 dec - 4 jan in Evansville, with a side trip to indianapolis hopefully
4 jan - 6 jan drive back to Austin, definately taking 2 days so we aren't too sore and insane!

I know not many people read this, but if someone that I know from back home or the area reads this and wants to see us, email or call. We'll see what we can do. :-)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


sigh...everyone is so angry, and passionate...and loud. I just want some peace. Violence does not create peace. That misguided idea is what has kept our world very far from peace. Being against war does not make you against the soldiers fighting the war. Maybe some of us just want there to be some other options. Diplomacy, is that so hard to try? Apparently it is. just give us something else. Our government doesn't even pretend to try something else. What's that quote? "the definition of insanity is repeating the same action while expecting different results" We're insane.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" should be the golden rule. Why is it so hard to live by?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ouch, my head is shrinking!

Studying for finals makes my head shrink. Or maybe it's swelling, which makes it feel squished lol, in any case, I definately need to take some time to relax and let my head feel the right size.

I've gotten quite a bit of studying done, though I still have much to do. Thankfully, I still have 2 full days to study. Then wednesday from 2-5, it's all over, and I can do all the stuff I haven't done for a week. Like grading, research, cleaning, video games...I can't wait to play some civilization 3! lol, it's driving me nuts, because I really want to play, but can't allow myself to. I've calmed that desire a bit by playing advance wars on my ds for short breaks. But I want civilization! lol I think I want to be the romans this time. I watched something on history channel about roman advances, it's amazing! So hopefully that bodes well for the game too :-)

So yeah, I should go get ready for bed. Sleep is necessary for studying too, contrary to what many college students thing. Silly kids!