Sunday, November 27, 2005

I hate getting pissed

I really hate when someone finally gets to me enough that I get upset. It's like all that work I do to let things go flies out the window. It's annoying! lol, and then I have to waste time regaining my composure.

The way I usually avoid this is by trying to understand why someone is delusional, an asshole, whatever. But when I get to the point where I lose it, it makes it that much more difficult to care. What do I care if they have issues with being right, or if they were shit on by their parents? I often just say, I don't care.

And then, somewhere, that little sane part of myself reminds me that I do care. And as much as I want to hit them, I wouldn't because I do care. And because that would go against all my principles. To first remain in control of my emotions, not acting from them. And second, to help the world by bringing in love, compassion, and understanding rathering than adding hurt by bringing in frustration, anger, and fear.

So it turns into this whole big annoying thing of internal conflict, what I should do vs what I want to do, whether to act from my highest (or even slightly higher) self or from my lower self.

Constant lessons, that's what life supplies. Whether you like them or not, they are there for you, until you learn them. sigh...


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