Monday, December 27, 2004

Fatum Operandi - SS102: Dialogue: Perceptional Reality

SS102: Dialogue: Perceptional Reality

I'm going to do my best to make my ideas as clear as possible, though this topic does not lend itself to clarity! I have two main areas I want to discuss:
1. Your perception determines your reality
2. Time does not exist

My mentor told me the above idea many years ago and I've been working at understanding it ever since. The way I understand it at this point in my life is that thought manifests. Thoughts are energy, and energy in sufficient quantities makes matter. Therefore if you put enough thought energy into something it will manifest, unless someone else is putting more thought energy into the opposite. Therefore, if you're in a situation your perception of the situation can change the outcome. For instance, I used to worry about my then girlfriend leaving me. But all that worrying can do it bring about her actually leaving. If I don't want her to leave me, I should instead focus on her staying with me forever rather than worrying she will not.

Another example is when a person believes something is true or not true so strongly, that result becomes true for them. Humans convince themselves of things all the time. People used to believe the Earth was the center of the solar system, and they found ways to prove it! They ignored evidence that didn't fit their model and continued on their happy way. This did not change reality that the sun is the center, but it was real to them. In the end, reality will always win out, because truth remains truth and we at our cores want to be with the truth.

That sounds a little strange, so I'll elaborate. Our souls know truth and reality. They know we live in a relative world that exists with many illusions. These illusions serve a purpose, to allow the souls to experience things like disunity from the all and suffering and forgiveness and emotion...a whole slew of things. But the soul knows this and chooses to live in the illusion. We as humans however don't know this. We have to forget in order to live our lives. However, our soul is there to remind us what is true and what is real (or an illusion). When we get caught up in the illusion so that we believe it to be real this causes conflict with our soul. Most people just continue on when these conflicts arise, choosing to trust the illusion rather than themselves. They create elaborate arguments as to why the illusion is real, all the while ignoring the evidence that leads us to truth. These conflicts can be very harmful. This is one reason why teen suicide is such a problem. Teenagers are learning about themselves, and this is often at odds with what society has taught them. For gay and bisexual kids, it's even worse because they are told they are evil and going to hell for what they are feeling. Yet they feel in their soul they are right, and often times will go against that and try to convince themselves they are messed up and just need to act straight until they become it. This is just one overly simplified example (to save space). Another is to look at fundamentalism. Fundamentalism rises from an individual refuses at all costs to see what is around them and to stick with the one idea they decide to be real. They know it isn't true, but they stick to it anyway.

What does this all mean as far as perceptional reality? There is an ultimate reality and an ultimate illusion. The ultimate reality is that we are all one, with every thing in the universe. We were all one at one time (though time doesn't really exist) before the big bang. But in order to continue to experience oneness, we needed to experience disunity. Thus the big bang, and we get to experience separateness. At any moment we can choose to return to the one, which would be considered dying in our illusionary world. This cycle continues forever. The illusion is the world we live in. It is a place of relativity, therefore the need for the illusion of time. I'm not going to go into the time issue today because I'm not feeling like the ideas are coming to me so I'll have to do it a different day. However, I have come to an understanding. Your perception determines your reality, but it's your reality within the illusion. We change things within our illusion. That's the way things are with illusions, they are constantly changing and evolving to remain an illusion. But we don't change things with the ultimate reality. This is how we can have the ability to change while maintaining an ultimate truth.

I've had to unlearn a lot of what society has taught me. At 18, a senior in high school, the realization hit me (like a big truck) that I was gay. It was a realization that should have hit me much sooner, but my perception did not allow it to be reality. The fact that denial is so strong is a testament to the power of the mind! But in the months following this realization I spent much time trying to figure out whether or not I was really going to hell because of my sexuality. Over the years I've learned a lot of things, all of them being that my sexuality is who I am. I love my wife very deeply and believe we were meant to be together. I am not going to hell, now for the simple reason that I do not believe in hell. But also because God does not care about these petty things. God is simply love, not a character that judges and interferes and controls are lives. God is the ultimate oneness, and my sexuality in no way changes that. All that matters is that I do what is in my highest good for me. I cannot harm others if I do that, because harming others harms me. Therefore, following my soul it is impossible to do 'wrong'. It would have been nice to know this from the beginning, but having come from a religious background I can understand where homophobic people and religious zealots come from. And the more that I know me, the more I can tell what is real, and what is the illusion.


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