dreams

I've begun having military dreams again. I don't know what triggers them, which would be nice. It just seems like there are times in my life when the military looms large, taking over my dreams and causing me to wander on campus and wonder things about the ROTC program. The dreams have a common theme, where I join up, somehow (because I'm not allowed back in the military) and have to go get things. I'm in boot camp, but not really acting much like a recruit, forgetting to say recruit instead of personal pronouns, not necessarily doing the activities we did in boot camp, etc. But it's clearly boot camp.

Last night was a little different. I had to go to supply and give them a list of the gear I needed. Specifics I remember were a flashlight and LBV (load bearing vest) and canteens, though there was more. When I left supply everyone was gone, so I had to look for them. Eventually I see them in the tall grass practicing squad maneuvers, the kind where you are sneaking around and using hand signals and pretending your hands are your rifle rather than carrying it. That seems to be a theme occasionally, of going to boot camp and there being a war theme to it rather than the standard drill aspects. Does this mean I want to be back in, or that I believe I'll be back in at some point? I don't really know. It could just be old demons popping back up. Really hard to know at this point. Maybe it will all make sense some day.