Searching for my truth...

I'm moving my blog

2006-01-17T23:09:00.000-08:00

After some discussion with my wife, I realized the only way to be fair to both of us is to get a blog where I can post privately. I've started a blog that is now http://butchjax.wordpress.com/ I'm going to keep this one up until I can import it to the new one. But with all the fancy features, it will definately be an improvement. It might be another day or so, but I'll be posting there from now on. I hope to see everyone there!

More 'coincidences'

2006-01-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

Someday I'll get to writing about our trip...maybe. lol

Anyway, the other day we went to eat at joy east. Carrie's ankle started really hurting, so we hopped across the parking lot to her chiropractor, who is also a physical therapist. He felt around, and then yanked the hell out of her foot! It was crazy to watch lol The next day he had to adjust it another way to get the foot back to where it belonged. And now it is, but it's still swollen so he took xrays. We'll know more tomorrow. But, that's not the point of this story lol

While we were waiting I picked up a random Austin magazine that had pictures of pretty houses in it. I showed carrie a picture of this house, and all she says is "that's our kitchen!" I'm like, what?! lol Seriously? And yes, she said that's exactly what our kitchen looks like her all her dreams. So I have her look at the other pictures of the house, and it's just the kitchen that looks like ours. How interesting is that? An unscheduled stop at the chiro, picking up a random magazine for 4 or 5 months ago, and we find our kitchen? That's so amazing! lol So that's our little 'coincidence' for the week.

Also, Carrie's having dreams still. The other night she had a dream where he was older, around 18 or 19. She walks to the entry way and just sees muddy footprints, which pisses her off a bit lol. She yells "Ri!" and he comes right away. they have a discussion about taking off boots right away and stuff. But it is funny. So new details. He's wearing a union jacket, so he works a trade of some sort but is also doing music. Also, carrie went to the garage and saw his car. His license plate has a thing that says Riley on it, so I guess we're back to that name :-) But she has the sense this car was hers, and she sold it to him. It's a beautiful classic mustang in a pearl purple. Which also fits with her idea of getting a classic car and converting it to biodiesel. lol, which is hilarious. Also, we must live in a climate that gets a bit cold cause Riley is wearing a heavy jacket. Oh, and the last thing is that throughout he's just a good looking kid. She's just suprised we have such a good looking kid lol, self esteem issues popping up eh? ;-)

by the way, she hates that I write about this stuff, but I don't care. I mean I do, but I need to write about it to organize my thoughts about it. So I'm being a bit selfish, I know. And if it became a real issue, I'd stop. But I'm not writing about anything truly personal. Like my bendable morals? lol, at least I know I do it.

Today on the bus I saw this kid and I just looked at him, wondering if that's what Riley would look like. I don't mean this in a wierd, you could be the father thing, but if he's similar looking.

As time goes on, I'm more and more comfortable with the idea of having a boy by the way. I've been learning more and more about how to raise a well adjusted boy, and I think we can pull it off. Though we're still knee deep in the circumcision decision. But other than that, I really look forward to this. I just feel like my life is just going to be more and more joyfull, because I want it to be. I'm finally moving into that headspace and beliefspace to make it all happen. One step at a time, but it really feels good. :-)

visions of the future

2006-01-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

I think I discussed a little in the past about Carrie's dreams, and how they can be prophetic. Well, lately she's having consistent, vivid dreams that take place in our future. And as she tells me what happens, I feel them, like they're really happening to me. My heart fills with joy and love, for a child I have yet to meet. I want to share some of those stories now, because they make me so happy. These stories take place in all different time frames, from him being a toddler up to around age 8 or 9, though they are infrequent in comparison.

In many of the dreams we're playing. He apparently likes to climb all over me, which is fun but not fun at the same time lol. But I certainly love to play with fun kids, so this doesn't suprise me. Ok, real stories :-)

in one dream, carrie is hearing this thumping sound, over and over again. She has no idea what it is, so she leaves the studio, and lo and behold, there's our boy running up and down the stairs! She asks him what he's doing. What's his answer? "Exercising" :-P what a little snot haha apparently he was bugging me, and I told him to do it. But, I did not tell him to run up and down the stairs above the studio, which would bother carrie! But it makes me laugh like crazy hehe

Another time, he wants to play my drumset in the studio, which involves moving things around. Anyone who knows a drummer knows you never move things without permission, never! But, he really wanted to play. So I sat down, and he sat on my lap. I worked the feet, and he played away with his hands. But he could barely reach, so it was hilarious she said. Just super cute! And, he's pretty good. :-)

One story isn't so fun. We send him to school at some point, and he's not doing well. I want to pull him out, but carrie wants him to stay to learn how to sit still and pay attention. We have a huge fight about it, apparently. So that'll be interesting...I'm a staunch supporter of home schooling, so I don't see this position changing anytime soon.

A funny element to all of this...we don't know his name. He's never had a name in any dream. We call him boy, or other nicknames. Carrie's even asked him what his name is, trying to get him to spill it, but he says he doesn't know. Sometimes he's called dean, but otherwise he doesn't know. And this is what makes me laugh, because we used to have a boys name picked out, until my brother named his kid. Carrie doesn't want to have a brilee and a riley in the same family, so now we don't have a clue. But, we'll still keep dean for a middle name, which is why that'd be the only thing mentioned. At least we have some time before we have to come up with one lol

Another little change is that sometimes this kid is a girl, but only occasionally. However, it's always the same soul, the same little person inside, just a different body. I think it shows some of the flexibility in this future yet. We have a good chance of getting a boy, but it could still be a girl. In any case, carrie feels that this soul is already hanging around, just waiting for the chance to be born into our lives. And I think she's probably right. Her gut instinct tends to be correct on this, and I feel so much love for this soul that I've never seen or met, it's hard to imagine feeling it for someone who isn't ready.

Anyway, what this all adds up to for me is this: I feel that our path before us is clear. I don't mean clear as in easily seen, but free of major obstacles. It feels that between carrie and myself we've managed to removed the major belief blockages that were keeping our dream away from us. Now that we're becoming 'blended beings' as abraham says, our path is opening wide for us. It really felt, yesterday especially, that all we have to do is put in the time to make it reality. A little school, opportunities fall into place...and it's all there for us. I finally understand what god talks about in the conversations with god books. Believe and feel as if you've already received what you're asking for. Because I can feel it...I already have it. I already love this child, he's real to me. This house, this studio...it's all real. and it's all with us now, and in time it will be physically with us. It's beyond exciting to me, and I feel so much gratitude when I think about it. The stuff that abraham is sharing with us is true, and it works, boy does it work. I encourage everyone to read the books Ask and it is Given and the Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther and Jerry Hicks, and Abraham. All of the books I read before helped me reach this place, but these are the ultimate key to life. You can check out some stuff for free on their website . They have free mp3 tracks that serve as an introduction to all of this, which are quite interesting. When I listen to these, I'm filled with so much joy and energy...I hope they can bring everyone else the same.

drum heads

2006-01-11T20:02:00.000-08:00

There's nothing better than new drum heads to make things sound a ton better. oooooh...happiness :-)

The trip, part 1 (Austin - River Falls)

2006-01-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

Let's see how much I can remember...

Day 1 - we drove. a lot. all the way to kansas city. blah... however, the hotel was super worth the money. :-) Yay for holiday inn! We arrived after the kitchen closed, but they let us heat up our soups in the microwave. We had a nice picnic of soup and sandwhiches on the bed while watching tv. A nice little evening :-)

Day 2 - more driving. When we got up to the twin cities it started to snow in random patches. We missed the turn to find Amanda's taco bell, but she gave us directions for woodbury. I got to remember how to drive in light snow, which was good. She fed us, and we got to talk for a little. Amanda is such a sweetheart, truly one of the most kindhearted people I've ever met. And she's going to Japan next week! Super cool!

After taco bell we made it to river falls. Since it was nip tuck night (and a certain boy is an asshole) we said screw it and saw Danielle and our godson Colton. It was already after 10 pm but he was wide awake and playing with his trains. Apparently I'm loads of fun because he had to show me all of his toys. It was beyond cute! We had to leave before too long so we didn't keep crystal up though.

The next day, wednesday I believe, was quite the day. I woke up, went outside, and my front tire is flat on the ground! We put on the spare, and made an appointment at firestone in hudson. In the meantime, Amanda came by and we went by school, saw Jon for a bit. After she dropped us off we drove very slowly to hudson (after filling the spare). Turns out, there was nothing wrong with the tire. That confused us both, but what can you do. The kid put the tire back on, and then came back and asked if my car starts wierd. Now I'm really confused. So we go out there, and it turns out my freakin ignition cylinder went out, right there in the bay! So the mechanic messed with it, and he ends up keeping the car overnight until Toyota gets the part to him in the morning. So Crystal picks us up and we go back to her place. We made her watch debs with us, which was lots of fun, and then borrowed her car to see Danielle and colton again. He was hilarious again. this time we brought his present too so we played with trains in a little people castle. He also had to show me all of his books, which was super cute :-)

A short digression on colton. The kid is 2 1/2, but he's so freakin smart! He put together his thomas the tank engine tracks, and knows all their names. He's able to drink out of full soda cans without any spilling. None of the fancy seatbelts can hold him because he figures them out too fast. And you can truly watch him think when he plays. Never saw him throw any toys, didn't hit them, nothing you expect toddlers to do. It's crazy! It was an amazing experience with him, and was truly sad to say goodbye.

Ok, back to story. In the end, we get the car back, use my mom's credit card to pay the $300 bill (eeek!) and end up able to leave later on thursday. We swing by burger king to see josh, who makes us the best whoppers ever! And he was super fun. he clearly needs more gay friends. lol

So thursday we made it to my parents house. And with that I will end this post.

home safe

2006-01-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

and that's about all the energy I have to type tonight. I'll update later.

vacation

2005-12-18T14:04:00.000-08:00

Just a note, we're leaving for wisconsin tomorrow morning. Things are a bit hectic, and tight on money, but it'll be ok. I used priceline to book our hotel so we have a room at the holiday inn in Kansas City for only $35! Too bad the one day we're there is the day they're doing maintenance on the whirlpool, figures lol

Here's our general itinerary:

19 dec - leave
21 dec - arrive at River Falls in the evening
22 dec - leave for my parents that evening sometime (it's only 4 hours anyway)
23-31 dec - in New London at my parents
31 dec - drive to Evansville (about 8 hours)
31 dec - 4 jan in Evansville, with a side trip to indianapolis hopefully
4 jan - 6 jan drive back to Austin, definately taking 2 days so we aren't too sore and insane!

I know not many people read this, but if someone that I know from back home or the area reads this and wants to see us, email or call. We'll see what we can do. :-)

peace

2005-12-13T22:49:00.000-08:00

sigh...everyone is so angry, and passionate...and loud. I just want some peace. Violence does not create peace. That misguided idea is what has kept our world very far from peace. Being against war does not make you against the soldiers fighting the war. Maybe some of us just want there to be some other options. Diplomacy, is that so hard to try? Apparently it is. just give us something else. Our government doesn't even pretend to try something else. What's that quote? "the definition of insanity is repeating the same action while expecting different results" We're insane.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" should be the golden rule. Why is it so hard to live by?

Ouch, my head is shrinking!

2005-12-12T00:23:00.000-08:00

Studying for finals makes my head shrink. Or maybe it's swelling, which makes it feel squished lol, in any case, I definately need to take some time to relax and let my head feel the right size.

I've gotten quite a bit of studying done, though I still have much to do. Thankfully, I still have 2 full days to study. Then wednesday from 2-5, it's all over, and I can do all the stuff I haven't done for a week. Like grading, research, cleaning, video games...I can't wait to play some civilization 3! lol, it's driving me nuts, because I really want to play, but can't allow myself to. I've calmed that desire a bit by playing advance wars on my ds for short breaks. But I want civilization! lol I think I want to be the romans this time. I watched something on history channel about roman advances, it's amazing! So hopefully that bodes well for the game too :-)

So yeah, I should go get ready for bed. Sleep is necessary for studying too, contrary to what many college students thing. Silly kids!

Where did jazz go?

2005-12-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not talking about this crap they play on radio stations that sounds like elevator music, with more electronics than electronica. I'm talking big bands, combos, no electricity (besides mics and bass/guitar amps), and standards. Where did it go? I loved, seriously loved playing big band. My summers spent at Birch Creek were the most amazing times of my life, still. But where do kids go once they leve high school and camp? Where can they play? I really want to know where jazz is hiding, because I want it back.

I've been listening to jazz all week since I've been studying for finals. I don't have a good collection, unfortunately, but what I have is damn good. My playlist includes some of the greatest big bands like Count Basie, who swung so damn hard you kept moving during the ballads, Stan Kenton, who's song Malaguena is described by my friend as "a fist made out of brass instruments punching you right in the face. only in a good way!". And then a healthy mix of Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis (before he went wacko in the 80's), Charlie Parker, and John Coltrane (including some of the way out there stuff). There are so many songs in this playlist that I've played, either on bass or drums. And even the songs I don't know at all, I just love them. I don't know what it is about jazz that I enjoy so much more than other genres, but there's no replacing it. I mean, how do you compare any rock song to jazz?! You can't, it's just a different thing. And don't get me wrong, I like my other genres, but they don't reach inside me like this does as a general rule.

I guess I'm just lamenting the inability for me to hear good jazz live. You get soooo spoiled at birch creek, the pros are so amazing. And as a student you learn so much it's sick. Living jazz from 8 am to 10pm some nights you can't help but learn a lot. And not just about jazz, but life. Oh the things I learned about people lol

So if anyone knows where jazz is hiding, let me know, because I miss it terribly. I'm even starting to think that when I'm finally settled someplace I'll start to put out word that I want to form a community big band. We may suck, but we'll have fun while sucking! :-D

Helping in the freezing rain

2005-12-07T21:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight winter has hit Texas. The rain started a bit before 5pm, so that by the time we left CiCi's there was already a good bit of ice on the car. I heard that between 5 and 9 pm there were 150 wrecks in the area. (remember to slow down for ice) However, we decided that blockbuster isn't very far away, so we decided to scrape off the car and give it a try, with the agreement that if the roads were slick we'd turn around. But, neither of us had a bad feeling, so we went for it.

It took quite a few minutes and half the plastic ice scraper to clean off the windows. (note to self, buy a metal scraper) One guy thought we were crazy to go out in the ice. "I just got in a big pile up" he says. I just answer "I'm from Wisconsin, I'm used to this stuff." I don't think he believed me, but I knew how to feel out the roads and wasn't worried. I did, however, thank him for his warning.

The roads were perfect the entire way to blockbuster. Unfortunately, they didn't have the movie Carrie wanted (the Skeleton Key will never be in, I've decided) When we leave the building I hear a familiar voice ask us for some change. I've give this man money on many an occasion, any time I have some on me. He's always grateful and polite, and he now remembers me. Tonight I gave him $5, because quite frankly, he needs it much more tonight.

I learned many things tonight. The Salvation Army does not hand out coats to the homeless until there have been three freezing nights. Three huh? Maybe they're trying to weed out the homeless population, because I can't think of a single good reason for that restriction. The stores in the strip mall pay him under the table to do odd jobs. For instance, night stocking, dusting, whatever they can have him do. It gets him out of the cold at nights, and gives him a little money. And there's the woman at Tiger Mart who has bought him socks, and a skull cap, just some little things to help him out. He also gets free hot chocolate. Tonight, some guy, with a wallet full of money gave him a beer. He declined, and the guy insisted, apparently not believing that the man didn't want beer but food and shelter. The young man gave him 2 beers and left. Bizarre...suprising how assumptions can be so persistent.

The man's name, I learned, is William Austin. He's a gulf war vet, and is homeless because he quit his job. In this economy, that appears to be a bad decision. But it was his decision, he understands that. William is a good guy. I don't doubt that he'll remember our names, as he remembers our faces. And I will certainly remember his.

And, to top all of this experience off, Carrie asked if she could give him her hoodie that she was wearing. All he had was one hoodie and a tshirt himself. How could I say no to her or him? He was beyond impressed, it's not often people give you the clothes off their back. I hope it helps him stay a little warmer tonight. And tomorrow, we will drive back and try to find him to give him an actual winter jacket. We have at least one carhart that should fit him and keep him much warmer. There's no reason why someone should have to wait three days in the freezing cold and rain before they are given appropriate clothing.

We learned one other thing from William tonight. He said he assumed we were bisexual or something (we sort of muttered because we're not bi, but we are gay, and that was his point) and he said we're black. He shared a conversation with his girlfriend April who said she wondered what it was like to be discriminated against. He said, "you should know, you're bisexual. You're black! If you've been discriminated against, you're black". There are many in the black community that would disagree, but I do agree with him. It's different and the same all at once. But it was still suprising to hear. But that's just another way we're the same, according to him. I think it's a way for him to connect to more people.

As we drove away, he waved to us from inside Albertson's where he was going to get some food and stock shelves. We waved back, because he's our friend now too.

Rent

2005-11-29T22:35:00.000-08:00

Oh my god, I could have sworn I blogged about this movie! lol, silly me. So friday night we went to see Rent at Alamo Lake Creek, because that was the only Alamo showing it. Apparently we can't see movies anywhere else now lol, we're totally spoiled. Where else can you get yummy chips and queso? :-)

Anyway, the movie...it's excellent. It stays true to the musical, even when it changes things a bit. For instance, the background of Joann is skipped, so that's a little odd. And Maureen and Joann's fight is in a completely different setting, but it's hilarious! The movie made us cry, a lot, which is a good sign. When someone can make you cry, even when you know what happens, then they did a good job.

I also think it's neat to see so many of the people who originated these roles. And the newcomers definately do it justice, so I didn't feel like anyone was 'wrong'. Rosario Dawson, a big kudos, she nailed Mimi.

Something I find interesting is comparing the original cast recordings to the movie versions of the same songs. Even though you have the same people, there can be some big differences in how they interpret the song 9 years later. Well, it's interesting to musical folks like myself lol. For instance, Without You is done a few steps lower in the movie than in the musical. I have no idea why, because Rosario clearly has the range. Maybe it will make sense after seeing it again. It may just set the mood differently. lol, maybe it will be explained in the special features of the dvd :-)

So, my final review is, excellent movie. Worth seeing, multiple times in fact. I want to go see it again, but I'll have to wait since we don't have the money. DVD now!!!

Indigo Lesbians

2005-11-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

(as you can tell, I should be doing homework, so instead I'm rambling here lol)

Anyway, a few weeks ago already I received a random email from some indigo lesbians. Strangely enough, they were having trouble finding other lesbian indigos, and I was the only place that popped up via google. It seems strange, but then I thought about it more. Many of the people are gay or bi, but they don't use the language. Instead they talk about soul makes, and soul connections. Sexuality really isn't the issue for them, so it isn't discussed in the same way as other people would discuss it.

Anyway, today I im'd her for the first time, and it was very nice :-) I actually got an interesting feeling in my chest, which was...hotter...than what the warmth normally feels like. It's hard to describe, since it's not a true heat sensation since there's no burning involved, but it still feels hotter, and more focused. For instance, I usually feel warmth in my chest that takes up easily half my chest. This was more like an inch or so in diameter. More focused, which may be why the energy felt 'hotter', since it was compressed into a smaller space. anyway...time to shut of the logic part of me lol

When I felt that, I felt a great love. I've been having so many problems lately with frustration, etc (overstating the obvious, see previous posts) and in the midst of that feeling it all went away. Love feels great by the way! I was able to let go of all of the crap, and just feel it. And then I acted on it. I apologized to someone, and tried to make things right. I even consciously said, that's what love would do. :-)

I'm not saying this will stick around forever or anything, but it feels good now. And with that, I turn to my homework. Good night.

Finally!!!!!!!!

2005-11-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

Sara Lee Foodservice� - Product Main PageAha! These are my favorites, and the one thing that disappointed me most about Texas, the inability to get Cheddy brats (as I call them, even though they're smoked sausage lol) But, the other day, I look over and, holy shit! Fucking Cheddy brats! I seriously picked up 2 packages and called home immediately! lol, my brother made fun of Texas for being like a million years behind the times, since we've been eating them all of our lives, but it doesn't matter. I'm just beyond happy they have them now! Woohoo!!!!!!

I quit

2005-11-28T18:10:00.000-08:00

I quit all the stuff that is sucking me down. I will focus only on those things that are necessary. Those being:
1. Homework
2. Research
3. Teaching
4. Traditional training followups
5. Meditation

Do you think if I put it in writing, it will stick with me? lol rawr! so annoying!!!! what's annoying? everything lol, I hate this part of the school year where I get all stressed out and pissed off and it's fucking...grrrr...just yeah...it's obnoxious, this feeling. Need to figure this out...

when you say too much

2005-11-28T16:35:00.000-08:00

It's funny what happens when, even though others agree with you, if you're the person who does the actual speaking up, you're the person that catches all the flak for it when it's not popular anymore. When others wouldn't speak up, either because they were too shy, or too busy, whatever, and I was the person who stepped up and did it. I think that's interesting...And kinda shitty really. But, whatever. Time to step back and become inconspicuous again. Maybe someone else will take control for once, as has been asked in the past.

mood: annoyed, slightly bitter, and frustrated

Time to do some homework.

I hate getting pissed

2005-11-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

I really hate when someone finally gets to me enough that I get upset. It's like all that work I do to let things go flies out the window. It's annoying! lol, and then I have to waste time regaining my composure.

The way I usually avoid this is by trying to understand why someone is delusional, an asshole, whatever. But when I get to the point where I lose it, it makes it that much more difficult to care. What do I care if they have issues with being right, or if they were shit on by their parents? I often just say, I don't care.

And then, somewhere, that little sane part of myself reminds me that I do care. And as much as I want to hit them, I wouldn't because I do care. And because that would go against all my principles. To first remain in control of my emotions, not acting from them. And second, to help the world by bringing in love, compassion, and understanding rathering than adding hurt by bringing in frustration, anger, and fear.

So it turns into this whole big annoying thing of internal conflict, what I should do vs what I want to do, whether to act from my highest (or even slightly higher) self or from my lower self.

Constant lessons, that's what life supplies. Whether you like them or not, they are there for you, until you learn them. sigh...

To the anti-military recruiters

2005-11-25T23:04:00.000-08:00

There's this whole anti-recruiter movement, especially on campus. I understand their point in a way. Their motto is books not guns. Basically that kids should be in college and not in the military and at war. I wonder if their concern is really for the people though. This is why.

Having been in the military, there are different groups of people. A vast majority of enlisted are poor or lower middle class. These are not people that were going to college anyway either for money or education reasons. If it weren't for the military they would be working a dead end job that in the end was meaningless. The military, therefore, provides a way out of their down, out of their dead end life, and into a family (hopefully) and a way to make a difference in the world (hopefully).

Then there are those who basically had the choice of military or jail. Now this isn't always a good idea either, but either they shape up or end up doing something stupid to send them to the brig. At least they are given a chance to go somewhere with their life this way. One example is Doc Therin (spelling is wrong I bet) who was in the Navy instead of going to jail. He was a corpsman, and going to college in his spare time to get his medical degree. The military gave him the chance to go to school and provide for his son. Jail certainly wouldn't have done that.

Then there are people like me. People who for one reason or another always wanted to be in the military. I went to a year of college, found it boring. It just wasn't where i needed to be at the time. No, I didn't know exactly everything before going in, but it was a decision I made, on my own. No one forced me, and no one convinced me.

So perhaps I'm more of the person these people are worrying about, those that are in college and leave for the military. The thing is, if you're in college, you're a somewhat intelligent person. The decision to leave college for military shouldn't be done lightly. But, I don't agree that anyone needs a group of college kids acting like a parent telling recruiters to stay away. What do these people know anyway? How do they know that college is really best for a person? Last time I checked a college degree doesn't guarantee anything, especially in Austin. Maybe the military is exactly where a person needs to be at that point in their life. I think it's highly arrogant to assume you know what's best for an individual.

Yes, I think there are recruiters who lie and really work kids to join. And there are some that really don't know what they're getting into. But, these are usually the poorest of the poor. What other option do they have? If you want the military to not be an option, find another one. Give these people another opportunity, because until there is one, the military is the best place to go. You are given everything you need to live. Yes, you may have to go to war, and that sucks. People need to know that before they sign up. But I think these anit-recruiter groups are selling people short in thinking they can't protect themselves from the predatory recruiters.

Who are these anti-recruiter people anyway? Seems to me like they're just some upper class kids who know nothing about struggle and survival. They have their ideals with no understanding of what those ideals mean to others. Most of the recruiters, I believe, are good guys just trying to do the best they can in a job that really sucks. But it's their job. And, if they're still in the military, they obviously think there's enough redeeming qualities to bring other people into service.

You don't have to agree with them. You don't have to join, but stop ragging on everyone who joins the military. We're not stupid. I don't think I met anyone in the military who got screwed completely. Also, it's up to the individuals to check facts a bit before signing on the line. We're all adults when we join. And those that aren't had to have parents who signed them in. If you don't want your kid joining the military, don't sign the papers. Make them wait until they're 18. Show them the other side of what the recruiters say. But don't put this all on the recruiters. It's a cop out. Personal responsibility is what everything comes down to. Try it sometime.

*note* I realize I have a somewhat tainted view since I came through the Marine Corps, and I hold them to a higher standard. I haven't run into anyone who is truly unhappy. I can't speak for the Army, which needs much higher numbers for enlistment, thus the recruiters are under greater pressure. In any case, my points still stand. If these people weren't getting something out of being in the military, they would be making a bigger noise about recruiting practices. But I think once you're in you let that go and just go with the flow.

Can a person have two souls?

2005-11-25T21:56:00.000-08:00

This is now the second time I've had to confront this question and I still don't know the answer. Two people in my life had significant parts of themselves that didn't feel like them. The more extreme of the examples is the person who feels like most of their life up to age 13 they spent watching their life from outside their body. As if they didn't actually inhabit it until they were 13. The difference at 13 was that they were put on ritalin and went to a camp where he met the trees.

Now, I did find a reference to soul braiding, where two souls inhabit the same body, but that's the only reference I found online. And it didn't appear to fit him, he said. I found another reference from a man who said his spirit guides said that two souls couldn't inhabit the same body because it violates the free will of the souls, which is impossible. I'm inclined to agree with him. I can't imagine how two souls could coexist, and certainly not in a way that's so destructive.

What does make more sense to me is that his soul was not grounded to his body. Therefore, much of his life was spent outside of his body. Bad things could happen because there wasn't anyone 'home' protecting from outside influences. So manipulative people could take control of him without his being able to stop them.

The difference at 13 is the trees called to his soul, grounding it to earth. With the soul more firmly rooted to the body it could dispell the manipulative forces and stay in control. I don't honestly know how the ritalin contributed, though it probably prevented astral episodes since it seems to shut down other metaphysical gifts.

So why would this be happening again? Perhaps it's mismanaging of the new energy on earth. If someone is not taking time to align themselves they could be thrown so out of whack that they're a mess. Perhaps he's not following the path he needs to right now. I really don't know. And even if I'm right about all of this, he'll disagree anyway lol But if anyone knows, I'm all ears.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

Carrie cooked our first, all alone, full Thanksgiving feast! It was excellent! We had so much food, I'm just now beginning to be a little hungry, and we ate around 4 lol. The turkey was perfect, plus we had real mashed potatoes, real gravy from the bird, green beans seasoned with smoked sausage, and real made from scratch dressing. Plus some corn because it's a rule, and my favorite jellied cranberry sauce (ocean spray only!) Hehe, it was nice. We both ate a bunch, and then felt quite sleepy. But I opted for a little drum time, since I haven't played in weeks and missed it. Unfortunately my endurance is crap, so I only played a few songs before my brother called and I quit for the evening. I'll definately have to make time more often.

I hope everyone had a good Turkey day. I already decorated the tree, and it looks so nice! And the blue icicle lights are up on our balcony. I feel much better now :-) I can't wait to see what Carrie does with the Christmas village hehe, it's a suprise. I still want a mini tree for all of our mini ornaments and a tree skirt. Usually I put the mini's on the tree, but this year the tree is already full since it's tucked into a corner. See, in our family our parents gave me and my brother hallmark ornaments every year as we were older. I also have ornaments from my babysitter when I was really little. So there are a few groups on the tree. The stuff from my childhood, including my first christmas, painted ceramics from my babysitter (which I absolutely adore!) and the halmarks that just say daughter and the year. Then there are the star wars ones, which are fun. Then the Harry Potter section, and finally the space section. I like it, though very few ornaments are Carrie's. But, mom and dad keep getting us little personalized ones so we have matching snowmen and such, and she has her own colts ornament, which goes right next to my packers ornament. hehe :-) I love Christmas, and just because of the family stuff, not gifts. It's just nice. :-)

Why I like Texas this week

2005-11-22T21:15:00.000-08:00

Notice I didn't say love? I don't think I can ever love Texas. But there are some nice things about it.

1. Texas renaissance fair - We went for a few hours on sunday, which is the last day, thanks to some free passes. It's huge, for one, and quite amusing. People not even in costume walking around with swords, because, where else can you walk around with swords? hehe Also, some costumes were amazing! And...best of all...I got to eat some homemade pierogie! Yummy!!! So many different foods, you can't go wrong.

We also saw some great crafts, including these amazing amulets made out of clay and with symbols inscribed. I've never seen such nice amulets, between the colors and unique symbols. Unfortunately he only sells at ren fairs, but I will return next year for them. We also got this super cool looking dragon carved from wood (we think) that was only $10. Definately a good deal. So, if you have money to burn, the ren fair is a good place to do it at.

Ooh, and I almost forgot the best part. We went in this little haunted house like thing, and the two girls ahead of us freaked out. They seriously waited so we could catch up, then had us go ahead of them. They were literally hanging on carrie and screaming. It wasn't really that scary either. lol, very wierd and funny and worth the $3 hehe

2. It's finally cooled off. It feels like fall! It's a miracle! Granted, back home they had snow for my birthday, but cool weather is good enough for me. Now if only the packers could manage to win! Stupid vikings and their last second field goals. :-P

3. Hmm...guess I'm a little short on the liking stuff today. I'm not going to force it, just get ready for bed and let tomorrow be better. We plan to go to the Ansel Adams exhibit at the Ransom Center. I can't wait!

Why I hate Texas this week

2005-11-22T21:04:00.000-08:00

Here's my rundown:

$151 - the cost of the new taillight needed to pass inspection because you can't have tape or anything over a working light, even though you can in Wisconsin. That does not include the gas it took to run to north austin (spicewood springs) and then back to far south austin (almost slaughter lane) just to end up at the dealership.

$40 - the cost of the vehicle safety and emissions test. this doesn't include the hour waiting around for it

$172 - the suprise cost of changing my registration over. this includes a $90 fee for new residents. How's that for a welcome to texas? Yeah, not so fucking funny when you're basically broke now

Over $350 when my car is still legally registered in wisconsin until june. Why the fuck do they require this crap? It's a giant conspiracy.

Hmm...and if you can't tell, the stress of the past few days has left me irritable, quick to lose my temper, and speaking in quite piss poor language. Sometimes I really fucking hate texas.

Season Opener - UT vs NM

2005-11-18T19:57:00.000-08:00

It's officially college basketball season again, as the UT women opened against New Mexico tonight. I went by myself since Carrie is sleeping off our exhausting week, which meant I had an extra ticket. After watching people for a bit I walked up to 2 women who were waiting for tickets and asked if they wanted a free ticket since my wife couldn't attend. Lucky for me, they invited me to sit with them, if I didn't have anyone to sit with. It was cute, one of the women even said 'we're family'. Haha, it's been since the military that I heard queers referred to as family. :-) They were all nice, and definately better than sitting alone.

As for the game, there were some definate high points. The defense rocked the last 10 minutes of the first half. Ariaran got hot somewhere in the middle and ended up with quite a few points. She also decided to wear her hair slicked down which really threw me off! I think I like it better though, she looks more serious and hard core. Cortijo also made some things happen at the end, but it wasn't enough to win. I wish Norman could have played more, especially in the second half, but I'm guessing her knee was acting up. The second half wasn't as good, which is probably just inexperience. I can see the potential in this team, it's just a matter of how fast they get it together. It should be exciting :-)

Harry Fucking Potter!

2005-11-18T01:30:00.000-08:00

Oh my god, they seriously can't make a bad Harry Potter movie! This movie is so awesome. So, we went to see Harry at the Alamo Drafthouse, which is the greatest movie theater on the planet! We got there when the doors were supposed to open, yet the theater was already full...wierd huh? lol So we were pretty close up front, but it was fine. Before the movie they showed random clips, including a bizarre interprative dance film, he-man, super chicken, fantasia, and then bizarre low budget witch films. Interspersed was Harry Potter trivia, both on screen and as a contest. The approx 10 year old girl just kicked everyone's ass, she knew stuff that no one should know lol

As always we ordered chips and queso, because it's damn good. We also ordered a non-alcoholic butterbeer, because quite simply, it's a must try. Apparently everyone agreed because they got very backed up. But when you have 6 theaters showing Harry Potter, that's a lot of butterbeers to make! By the way, it's pretty good. It's a spiced sweet drink, and the only thing that threw me off was the carbination. Carrie liked it quite a lot also.

The movie...just awesome. The dragons were great, and the elements at school we really nice. Snape smacked the kids up a bit, which was hilarious, and the growing tension between hermione and ron worked well. Oh, and before I forget, the quidditch world cup...I couldn't stop smiling. I mean, ear to ear grin! It's as if you're there, even though it's just a movie. So amazing! And so much of it was as I imagined, or pretty close. They did a great job. I even shed a tear in the end when Harry is crying over Cedric's body. He's really growing as an actor, which is good.

Now if only I had the money to buy tshirts! Lol, they have the coolest glow-in-the-dark dark mark tshirt, and it's badass. They also have one that just says "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" and "Republicans for Voldemort" hahaha! Though I probably would get the cute red shirt with a simple drawing of harry.

So yeah, obviously, this is an awesome movie. And yes, it's very dark. But it's necessary, and really sets the tone. The lighthearted moments definately balance it out though. If there's any doubt in your mind about seeing this movie, it should be gone. Go see the movie! You won't regret it (but realize it's 2hrs 37 minutes so be prepared) :-)

Happy Birthday to me!

2005-11-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

I was totally suprised to come home today to my birthday package that UPS said was still in Louisville! I got the Advance Wars DS game I asked for, and my mom found the perfect shirt. It's got a wisconsin license plate that says gr8 st8 on it, with a map behind it, though that's subtle. So fuck all that texas pride shit, Wisconsin's where it's at! hahahaha They can make me change my license, but I'll never ever claim this state as home.

Also, she included a super cute picture of my nephew in his bee costume. His birthday is Oct 30th, so it makes sense to get pictures in his costume. Here's the picture

Click on it to see it larger obviously :-)

So even though Carrie is passed out on the couch, it's been a good day. I got a few cards, and last night Ash's mom sang happy birthday to me on the phone :-D Plus, talking to Ash is always awesome! So hooray!!!

I better figure out what to eat. Later!